“Hey, the only thing I promised anyone with the festival is that they’d be Livin It Up! None of the amenities made it to the island, but I was Always On Time! Anything that went right that week, Put It On Me!” 

This is Lorena’s story, and we’re honored to help her tell it.”

“If somebody raped me, I’d cut their dick off” -- not a brand-new sentiment.

Just in time for Valentine’s day

Very proud of my nephew whose Bar Mitzvah is in 2 weeks, in the local synagogue. And he’s requesting gifts in the form of donations to charities. (As his auntie, I’m giving a nice bit to charity and a little something for him, too. Kid deserves a present.) Yeah, that $500K could literally save lives, whereas the party…

This also used to be true of me, but to be fair, I was suffering from severe clinical depression, and I couldn’t get out of bed for any reason.

If I could, I would be both their publicists/PR flak and send them to the other’s events....

Maybe they were expecting Black-Eyed Peas Fergie and someone’s wires got crossed.

Same, Cardi, same.

1) Sorry Kaylors!!!

Club Girth has EVERYTHING.

Biebs has a lot of catchy tunes which have nothing to do with Bieb’s vocal talent really but he does surround himself with people who know what they’re doing.

There is a possible connection between handling cat poop and schizophrenia.

I once had a woman who has schizophrenia tell me that her neighbor (who also has schizophrenia) was telepathically sexually abusing her cat.  Thought disorders are so heartbreaking.  I really hope this woman can get whatever help she may need.

I mean OR she’s correct but she still doesn’t have a chance against a powerful witch like Beyonce, so she shouldn’t have tried to sue because it’ll only get worse now.

Good for Kyle. I’ve been known to use Kelly’s anthems as workout music. Music is an underrated exercise aid. It can really help you power through a tough workout.

If you would have told me that the girl who sang about whiskey for toothpaste would someday become the woman for all women, I would have never believed it. 

“When I heard that, I called my agents, and I was like, ‘It’s me! Guaranteed. 100 percent it’s me. It’s a plot they’ve been trying to kill me for years, now’s their chance. They hate me.’ I was, like, crying...”

They probably have one of these on the car somewhere, too:

Also, I recently discovered that simmering vinegar and water in a pan will get rid of a deep-set smell. Not that I let food rot in a pan for like a week once.