You guys, it’s me.

I got pulled over last night because the light casing on one of my brake lights is cracked. It was a pure fishing expedition because it was in the middle of the night and he wanted to make sure I hadn’t been drinking..

I liked how at the beginning, when he was reading his statement, he kept fumbling. So I drew this tribute to his mouth:

I would like to be paint. Sounds soothing.

My daughter just turned 6 yesterday, and she is definitely not doing this. In fact, as far as I can tell, all she does is make messes and drive me insane by not eating her dinner. It’s what you asked for, you little shit!!! Eat it before I jump off the roof of our building!

I’ve always wanted to write a bio of my mother but no one would believe it. I’m the middle child of several and for some reason she picked me around whom to be the real person she was. That incident with Lucky, for example. My older sister remembers Lucky but claims that our father told her that he was returned to the…

I’m getting pregnant just thinking about it!

Our favorite Belgian detective has been positively defamed.

She is the worst. Her blog makes me vomit.

She seems insufferable from what I’ve read on her mommy/lifestyle blog.

Ugh

I testified and the judge looked me in the eye and said “I’m sorry, but I cannot do anything; the statute of limitations has expired.” I was still a small child but I knew me not coming forward sooner had ruined these girls’ lives.

I was molested as a child and my family thought it best to sweep it under the rug, until the offending uncle decided to get married to a woman with two small daughters. I testified and the judge looked me in the eye and said “I’m sorry, but I cannot do anything; the statute of limitations has expired.” I was still a…