I’m an only child and the only time we ever ate dinner together was Thanksgiving, when relatives were over. I usually had dinner around 7-8pm, my dad ate with clients or coworkers every night of the week, and my mom had an eating disorder and would only eat around 1-2 am when nobody was up to watch her binge and…

You guys, it’s me.

My stepfather (all intents and purposes my dad) said the exact same thing. He said “if you or Tom can’t figure out how to get a company to give you healthcare, fuck you. Not on my dime.”

My husband (Dutch) and I (NYC) had SUCH hard time finding a house when we moved to a Midwestern city - we looked at about 50 houses via open house until we hooked up with a realtor, who complained after we had seen 20 houses that we didn’t want.

I got pulled over last night because the light casing on one of my brake lights is cracked. It was a pure fishing expedition because it was in the middle of the night and he wanted to make sure I hadn’t been drinking..

My husband just dislocated his C4 disk. Our doctor gave him a major headache about giving him Toradol. This man was miserable, unable to move and unable to find relief.

My sister in law has fibromyalgia and is prescribed HEROIN (up in Toronto). She is basically a dope fiend who made up the illness to get the drugs. I find it amazing that heroin is legal in Canada, but medicinal pot is still seen as sketchy.

I last abused opiates in 2006, it’s not my drug of choice.

Our favorite Belgian detective has been positively defamed.

I went to school with Susan’s daughter Eva (the one who keeps firing nannies for sexually harassing her husband). She would constantly announce her arrival to our humble English section by blowing in late and loudly announcing “Eva is here.” NB: Ev-uh, not Eve-a. To start. Her opinions all revolved around “the joy…

I felt like vomiting often during the Bush administration. I became somewhat proud of my country of birth during the Obama administration, and after that breath of fresh air this administration feels like a heavy pallor of ignorant doom.

I was molested as a child and my family thought it best to sweep it under the rug, until the offending uncle decided to get married to a woman with two small daughters. I testified and the judge looked me in the eye and said “I’m sorry, but I cannot do anything; the statute of limitations has expired.” I was still a…

My first call wednesday morning was to our immigration attorney. I’m American, he’s Dutch.