It's a Monet. From far away it's ok, but up close it's a big old mess.

It's a popcorn dress! I bet it gets all tiny when she takes it off!

Mary, it's time for you to find another hot Turkish guy, and then fuck him to death.

Jaden should consider going to Milford Academy.

LOVE AND LIGHT.

Other than the Chihuahua (does anyone else think "Chi-hoo-ah-hoo-ah" when typing that word?) and wedding ring, that is exactly my list of shit that would be stuck down there. You also forgot:

I'd definitely keep snacks in there. Various types of candy. Maybe some cheese.

"Kids. KIDS. Do not take selfies..."

I would say that's completely crazy. If you have health insurance and a healthy kid, all well visits are free. If they're breastfed you may not need bottles, formula or supplies for that. If you have family, chances are they'll keep the kid in clothes every time they visit; or kids second hand shops have super cheap…

It's a doberman. Let it have its ears.

"Not that you're going to eat those delightful little lard-filled butter bombs, mind you! That's for fat people! No, you're going to ask your driver to take them down to the nearest soup kitchen, where he's to light them on fire in front of dozens of hungry children. You'd do it yourself, but you need time to grab a…

I had my iPhone vaccinated and it doesn't do that now.

I want to go to there.

How about we scrap the whole "loans to middle class families for private PRE-SCHOOL" and give that money to Head Start. If this is seen as an investment thing, surely money given to Head Start gets the State a higher return on their investment then loans to pay for a ridiculous private pre-k.

Ooooh, two posts in a row that I feel passionately about!

Takes a breath.

Looks like the tabs are really making use of Arrested Development's "Mommy, What Will I Look Like?" software.

So Blake and Ryan are going to make a little Drew Barrymore? Confusing.

This is why God gave us Kindles.

The hammer is his penis. We already knew that.

And writers across the land looked at their plans for NaNoWriMo, crumpled them up and tossed them away, and got ready for their shifts at McDonalds.