I didn't know Zak from Fern Gully was still acting.

WHEE

I'm 8 months pregnant right now. And before I got pregnant, I had the pretty standard fears/anxieties about pregnancy, labor and delivery (but not crippling, paralyzing fear, that's a different story). If having children is something you (and I mean the general "you" not just you as an individual) want and see for…

It's easier on your body to use a hole you have than make a new one.

This method is also really effective in pregnancy as well. That time is equally riddled with obsessive preoccupations. In the end, the kids are alright. They always are. It's you whose the sniveling, maladjusted freak painting your nails black and listening to The Cure in a locked bathroom.

Oh my god, I love your baby, where did you get it?!

That is the ugliest effing baby I have ever seen.

Yes, it's unfortunate she's the one that got singled out...

I need to figure out how to spend less than the 0% of the time I already spent watching The View.

I, for one, welcome our new infectious disease overlords.

Jenny McCarthy is your new co-host.

I would have taken this as a challenge in as a Junior Girl Scout to earn the Pervy Promiscuity badge with a few of those 'pure' teen boys. *cough*

Macklin, you son of a bitch.

Chris Pratt is fucking gorgeous at any size. Also I want him inside of me.

I have a really good idea, it might be controversial, but here goes: Don't have such an expensive wedding, that a requirement for paying it off would be expecting each guest to gift you $200+. Because no one likes you that much.

If you can't afford a $200 a plate wedding, then you shouldn't have a $200 a plate wedding.

What the fuck is wrong with people?!?? If you can't afford your lavish, $200/plate wedding without expecting your guests to pay for it, then don't fucking have a lavish, $200/plate wedding, you spoiled, entitled, pathetic brats.