I honestly wish I did, I’m jealous!

Don’t listen to the haters. Shower sex is hot. I usually do wind up finishing up on the bed (or bathroom floor, if feeling particularly impatient), partially because I’m a hippie and develop boner-crippling guilt if the water runs for too long, but as foreplay/warmup it is FUN.

You sound like you’re living your best life to me.

You do not sound trashy. You sound joyful.

How is everyone tonight? I’m feeling super accomplished and adult-y. I’m starting my new job on Monday, so I spent all day prepping meals and they smell delicious and I want to eat them all.

Yes. When he’s excited it’s Jebediah!

Not sure how Winona overlaps with her career, what a strange ZEN DAYAGRAM

Monogrammed guns: The new thermoses.

“Yeezus, can you just give it a west already” said Taylor, swiftly.

I don’t know if this was covered elsewhere today or not but it made my day:

I believe I captioned it “Boss Ass Bitch” but that’s just what I caption all my photos

When artists I respect are bad as humans I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY EMOTIONS.

I have the weirdest need to help Jeb Bush. I disagree with him on literally every element of policy, but I just want to take him aside and be like “no, buddy, use the zipper. You got this.”

Wait, so he’s not the guy that sang Machine Head and Glycerine?

Steven Tyler and grandpup are so cuuuuute <3 <3

I like her and all, but she’s really not a great actress.

This doesn’t look like a real movie. And I’m wondering how much Sprouts supermarket paid to have the sign for their store to be featured so prominently and so shamelessly in the middle of the trailer.

honestly WHAT ARE THE CHANCES they finally found another use for this wig

I cannot even count how many Superbowl Half Time shows I have seen, upwards of 35 and this is bar none the worst ever. Not Beyonce, not Bruno Mars, not Coldplay, it was the melding of all of them. It was lackluster, stupid and desperate.