Just goes to show what it takes to want the pizza.

The Chuck around here has weekly police calls for drunk parents. Back when I was a foster parent I had a Foster Mom raise her hands to me to fight when I came to pick up her daughter, right in front of the kid and the visitation worker. I asked her if she wanted to get arrested in the presence of a person in a giant…

No no... he’s just been dunked too many times by the mermaids...

It would be the first time I’d ever watch a movie specifically for a scene about a man in a bathtub.

James Madison... no Elvis, that’s for sure.

My mom is super into genealogical research and recently found out that I’m Aaron Burr’s 2nd cousin 8x removed.  Which was good, because even before discovering this, I was already of the opinion that Hamilton the musical and the man were vastly overrated, and people who were super into either one were a bunch of…

“...under federal sentencing guidelines he’s expected to spend the rest of his life in prison.”

Yeah for most people it is. It’s a very science backed diet for athletes in particular to drop as much fat as possible as quickly as possible while maintaining muscle mass. There are plenty of studies that show the validity of it and it’s not meant for long term adherence. Considering it’s dropping me from around 18%…

And then, I presume, you ate your mother?

Did you blast her with your cocaine lasers?

This is usually our method - come up with a dish or two we’re interested in, then ask which are the server’s favorite or most popular, and if one is in the suggestions, boom - “I’ll do that.” If we’re not in a rush, we want to enjoy the experience and it’s sometimes fun to talk to the waitstaff about the food.

In married life, we both know it’s the only thing that matters.

I pack up leftovers in Chinese takeout plastic containers, and put them in the freezer at home for quick grab lunches to go. One morning, reached in and grabbed a ‘lunch’, went to work.

I have no idea what’s in it (aside from rice & lemon) and I don’t care. The version we get at our local place (Cafe Medi) is so damned good. The food is good too, but basically everybody at our table orders the soup as an appetizer.

I feel you two could easily turn this into a sexy time joke.

I’m not vegan or vegetarian, but I will sometimes order the “sides only” option from Texas Roadhouse. I like sides. Similarly, I will often order the vegetarian option at Mediterranean places because I want dolmas, hummus, falafel, AND boba ghanoush. As long as the pita bread is free and I can get some lemon-rice…

Obviously, ramon was a staple in my life, but I’d end up with 2/3 a loaf of bread in the fridge that I didn’t want it to go bad.

Not my saddest meal, but the saddest one I ever saw anyone eat: my roommate in college.

See? I don’t understand why it’s a big deal to ask a server. If it’s your first time at a joint, how would you know? So why wouldn’t you ask someone who definitively DOES know?

my mum doesnt remember the births of me or my siblings. she went in got knocked out, cut up and boom. baby. seeing as how we were going to tear her up one way or another, either from a virginal birth or c-section, i cannot for the life of me think its my place to say what she did was wrong. and if anyone dares tell…