I don’t have any, but isn’t it more fun to have someone suck them for you? If you need to, you can take a picture of that.

His family coached him into a lucrative life of victimhood. It was well executed and an intelligent plan that played on fear. There is legitimate Islamaphobia going on, but sending your kid to school with something any rational person would realize is supposed to provoke a negative reaction makes it harder for those…

Buying looted antiquities like these funds ISIS. But if it’s for a bible museum, Jesus is cool with it.

I’m glad my grandson taught me that SXSW isn’t an abbreviation for “Sex Show.”

These people need to get outside and get some fresh air once in a while. Or lose their virginity. Something!

I still have the first one. My kids gave it to me for Christmas and pointed to my giant wall of records I had assembled over the decades and said every song could fit in it. Never looked back when it came to tech. I find that old people who reject these types of things are grumpy and boring.

They didn’t cancel the game?

During their preparation to humiliate her, they seem to have forgotten that Hillary Clinton has had decades of debate and oratory experience. Bad manners, arrogance, and condescension look impotent in the face of intellect, poise, and articulation no matter how much you think you are right. They love to accuse her of…

There were a lot of close calls along the way and it was always loads of fun.

I assumed “lad rag” was British English for “cum sock.”

Thanks, stud.

In 1969 I carried a banner in a protest march for women’s rights that said, “I’m on the pill and I VOTE!” I had to beat them off with a stick.

Do the sorority houses have banners that say “We’re all on our periods” and “Our blow jobs will leave teeth marks on your dick!” as security measures?

10 out of 10 Fleshjacks agree that these guys are hung and good at sex.

Have you ever met a guy who said he was fucking awesome at sex and after you had sex you agreed? Lucky!

I didn’t have a really great orgasm until my late twenties and I was a real slut for years before that.

Bingo! “Are you a closet deviant with too many children at home to fly your freak flag? We have climate-controlled storage units and staff who have seen it all and don’t care. Lock yourself in, turn on the overhead light, and live your secret life for our low monthly rates!”

No. This is why straight people are often so bad at setting up their gay friends. You can’t just stick two gay guys in a storage unit and expect the heavens to open, Cupid to do his magic, and anyone to have any reaction other than What the fuck?

As a fag hag from way back before Stonewall, I was offended for them. They LOVE a metal room full of Pier One baskets and a fedora but only LIKE musicals? Who decorated the set for this ad? The part-time check out girl in KMART’s lay-a-away department? Unless there is a sling hanging from the ceiling and a complete…

True, but I am pretty sure there are lactation fetishists. I don’t think that makes anything better, but hey...