Menopause is one of the few blessings of getting old. Many, many years ago I lost a pad when it managed to escape from my underthings and fall to the sidewalk on the corner of Madison and 64th St. It created a blood-lust feeding frenzy among a group of well-heeled UES dogs straining against the efforts of a…

“Warning: Your candidacy may cause delusions, narcolepsy, erectile disfunction, loss of appetite, depression and increased thoughts of professional suicide. When these symptoms occur, contact your physician immediately and return his check.”

He should start off with smaller goals, like running for the bathroom.

Giving some money to a homeless guy who you know is just going to blow it on booze...that I can wrap my head around. Chafee’s donors are working on a whole other level.

“I call Bernie Sanders an elderly, dyspeptic Bilbo Baggins, appearing like he was at the British labor party meeting.” Turd Blossom, aka Karl Rove on Fox. The middle-aged orc-faced troll is one to talk.

In America, socialist scares them more than jewish. A rich jew who wants their money for himself fits their narrative but a middle class jew who wants to give their money to poor people really pisses them off.

Washington doesn’t control Wall Street. Wall Street controls Washington.

It’s how my grandson sits in his highchair when he’s ready for a diaper change.

I bet I could fit all the Republicans and gun owners who would vote for Bernie in my broom closet.

Same here. I am told you don’t even need a passport or a visa. You just show up and everything is handed to you.

Walmart’s stock is tanking so maybe they hired some hackers to instill righteous indignation among their competitor’s uptight customers? “Shop at Walmart. Roll back prices on piles of cheap shit. No porn! Just crap!”

To the folks who “threw down their things” and stormed out, I wanna see your internet browser history, you pervy hypocritical drama queens.

There weren’t enough blueberries in the muffins and the envelopes sent back east to Carmine’s crew were getting too thin.

If you close your eyes, he sounds exactly like Larry David. When he gets heated about something, he sounds like Larry David doing George Steinbrenner on Seinfeld.

I enjoy the surprised compliments “sent from my iPhone” gets me. They all basically imply: “Wow, you are old, are lucid enough to email people, and from a mobile device no less. Good for you!”

A lot of these sorts of things happen when you get old. Not a runner? Take it from grandma, hun, weird and gross shit happening to your body is coming whether you run or not.

With her aversion to invoices she will feel right at home in Washington.

According to my brother-in-law who listens to Rush religiously, El Rushbo said NASA was defunded by Obama and the money allocated to muslim outreach and NASA is so broke that the pictures/evidence possibly are fake and just a marketing alliance with the makers of the new Matt Damon Martian movie.

If the campaign coffers are running low, he should sue the surgeon who did his gastric bypass surgery.

Well, Clive Owens is sexy.