I have to admit, when I saw this morning that Alex Smith had thrown for 368 yards I was really trying to figure out how he managed 125 completions in one game.

One of the worst parts about living in WI are the mouth-breathing Packers fans who look for any reason whatsoever to fellate the Watt family as if they are Wisconsin’s first fucking family or something. They swear that if only the packers could find a way to get the two Watt’s on the roster they will never lose again.…

The only thing she’s ever blown is a 28-3 lead.

My life’s purpose is bigger than football.

My favorite part of the Niners’s downfall is it’s entirely self inflicted. They drove out a good coach who had a good quarterback (who was benched and pushed out) and they fucked up a perennial good team with lots of talent (and young talent!) to this disaster. They had what was quite literally the perfect situation…

I’ll take it one step further: any meal eaten before Noon is still breakfast.

On the Millennial thing, here’s a handy rule of thumb I employ:

Ugh, someone in the office does this and it pisses me off. He gets in at 9:15 with breakfast, proceeds to eat his breakfast till 9:45, and then at 11:45 he’s off for lunch.

Try a tossed salad between two buns.

Put your dick in a bun and eat that.

Every year, Nabisco makes my list of “Dumbest Companies” for not offering an option for me just to buy the cookie portion of Oreos.

ugh, the worst people on Earth. I can’t tell you how many times I have been behind someone that talks to their friend the whole fucking time they are in line, only to reach the counter and contemplate what to have. It’s usually some attractive girl who has spent 10 minutes telling her friend how she’s taking a year…

Apropos of not much, those Rockets uniforms are actually really nice.

A boat’s a boat, but a mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat!

That’s how great the players were back then, son. Dr. J played for the Pistons, the Sixers, and FC Barcelona Bàsquet all at once. Played both ways, too. Hell of a linebacker. True story: The Red Wings wanted to sign him, but there weren’t any sticks long enough.

Why does Steph want to give Lebron the Run-A-Round? It seems like a sure fire way to speed things up, but all it does is slow him down.

Um, if it had nothing to do with the city, then why is the T-Rex short for Torontosauras Rex, idiot.

WRECK OF THE EDMUND FITZGERALD BABY!

It’s like the Wonder Twins if the Wonder Twins were three assholes!

Wow, this guy just can’t stop killing people.