Fuck: Rosey. Frills and thrills.
Marry: Wall-E. Those sad eyes!
Kill: C3P0. He is not the droid I'm looking for. Ever.

I believe Slut Detection come standard with newer model CrazyEyes™.

Robert, if you're looking for the girl in the pale pink coat, I'm right over here.

Kyosuke, you have the best infographics—please keep sharing them.

Choosy dogs choose Jif.

Dear Sir(s): In heady state have begun kissing chin slowly by mistake. Application of fist deemed imprudent. Please advise.

I clicked to follow you, then realized how creepy that's going to look in your inbox: "Mrs. Gideon Regrets has started following you." :| It's 'cause you made me laugh, twice! I swear!

Good point. I seem to remember during the 2010 redesign some of the most colourful (and downright menacing) complaints coming from Gawker, Gizmodo, Jalopnik, et. al. But hey, bitches be crazy, let's go for the low-hanging fruit.

Beware fake somebodies crooning each day is Valentine's Day.

Mischief managed.

Maybe it's the white trousers talking, but I'm getting a real Jude Law as Dickie Greenleaf vibe from Olivia Wilde's brother. No boating for you, young man!

Ha! Isn't there a wood in Sleepy Hollow he ought to be haunting?

Seconding your Purity Made Simple recommendation. Like all Philosophy products it costs approximately a billion dollars an ounce, but anything that gets me out of the bathroom in one step is well worth it.

Our Hoth-dwelling friend would best this "Carlos" handily — at least he comes by his inability to understand human emotions honestly, being armour-plated and all.

Haha, not to worry! You have more things of greater import on your mind. ;)

I too have always wanted house hippos to be a thing: tiny tracks in the peanut butter; cozy nests in the bedroom closet...

You and your wife would only be considered horrible on Opposite Day (and doubly so only on Double-Opposite Day).

Comment of the (Birth)day! Congratulations!

"the Platonic ideal of commenting" — perfection.

Best wishes, MoGlo! I hoped against hope that "Thanks for All the Fuckery" wouldn't be your goodbye letter, but alas. Your "Disgrace for the Cure" coverage will be greatly missed. Dazzle them at VH1, you delightful diamond.