When I cut off my previously-long hair and a prof (who also had a ponytail) passing in the hall saw me he said “Craycray, you’re looking so... establishment!”

When she and Ryan Reynolds got engaged a friend of mine called them “a perfectly matched set of golden retrievers” and that is the only thing I can think of when she shows up in my feed.

Just turn the page, boy

Sally Yates is the bomb. I’m sorry she’s decided not to run for Gov of Georgia; earnestly hope it’s in favor of a higher position at some point, as she (possibly) implies.

Bitch, that was one photo 15 years ago at a social event. If she’d been giving him the stink eye, you’d find a reason that was wrong too. But, hey, sounds like you did your part to make sure the real rapist got elected, so thanks for the entertainment of the future impeachment trial. You really did your part in…

This is still some of the scariest shit I’ve ever seen:

I’m not the most intelligent person. I’m biased, emotional, aggressive, often act before I think, often don’t think through my actions, and am passionate about my beliefs. However: when necessary, I can be rational and considerate. I also know my faults and work on them.

You can lead a king to water, but with Joff one had to splash it about before he realized he could drink it.

Yeah, America has basically elected a less coherent Grandpa Simpson.

Being an adult is about making hard choices in a rational, pragmatic way—you’re never going to get everything you want all at once.

What you call “purity bullshit” women call “agency over my corporeal self.” Or, put another way, what you would have called “purity bullshit” 170 years ago was also known as “supporting the ownership of other human beings.”

That is a goddamn novel, and the reason that it’s unsuccessful is that no one is reading it because they’re bored after the first paragraph.

I used Craigslist a long time ago, when I was still depressingly single. My takeaway from this article:

How would you ever know where most of those phrases came from? I’m over 30. It all just looks like dumb shit kids say to me.

Counterpoint: Fuck them. They voted for the face-ripping leopard, so my apologies if I don’t cry for them when their face goes missing.

Palin is a shallow dimwit who couldn’t utter a cohesive sentence, but she always looked great while mangling the English language. Above all -  she has million dollar gams(!), which apparently is the single most important thing on a woman’s resume at Fox News.

When you get a job you will have a better perspective. Also, no coffee was harmed in the making of this product, so you might also spend time on facts.

I’m going ot be totally honest here it wasn’t as bad as Snacktaku made it out.
I’m not saying it was good, but it was definitely...something.
Very sour, which I kinda liked and fruity, which I kinda liked.
Sort of a 5/10 experience with me feeling confused at the end.

Dude, just because you look like Hank Hill’s dad doesn’t mean you have to cosplay as him.