my sources tell me that doesn’t work 

He would have lasted longer if he was thinking about baseball.

Fun facts:

Maybe they tried skinning it from the tail end the first time and were like, “well fuck, that was just about the worst thing ever. I am scratched to shit, neosporin hasn’t been invented yet, so I’m probably going to die if these scratches get infected. God, I think I would actually welcome death right now, I don’t…

“There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

Long ago, the Deadspin website was founded by a charming moppet named Will. Will loves the Cardinals dearly. I think the people who write for Deadspin take great joy in ripping the Cardinals for that reason mainly, but also because Cardinals fans are the worst in baseball, yet they consistently misidentify themselves a…

Speaking of time travel, remember when Snoop changed his name to Snoop Lion and we collectively acted like it didn’t happen, so it just faded away.

Lmao,

Dong Robbery: Robert Kraft’s next defense.

The best reason is the one they’ll never give:

*Draaaaaaaag*cough*cough* Yeah man, that sounds lit. So long as we only hang after she is a felon. I gots a reputation to protect.

“He’s not kidding!” -Leonard Felch

“Trust me, you’re better off not knowing.”

“Today the US Attorney brings charges against Michael Avana.... Avanti... Avennnot gonna practice law anymore, anyway.”

She’s just trying to Kerber her enthusiasm....

“Egging a politician here, boss.”

MMmm, that's a sour kraut.

More like Angelique Gerber, amirite? Get it? Because she’s such a baby... you don’t get it, it’s funny.