What could possibly go wrong?  *shrugs*

Obligatory:

It was perfect just the way you first had it, because reading it actually caused my brain to fart.

Oh my God those comments are hysterical, and do the Russian bots have the night off or something?  They’re 100% #MarioIsATool.

Geez, tough crowd tonight. Whadda they want fer nuthin’?

Update: after reviewing the video, the DA reduced the charge from “open gross lewdness” to “open petty lewdness.”

Randy Randy.

Three fingers tequila; generous splash of triple-sec; plop in ice cubes and stir; add a finger or two of OJ; add float of Grand Marnier. (Salted rim optional, but that’s something you’ll want to figure out beforehand.)

It’s a little-known fact that every cheerleader everywhere has the same name: Buzz Off. Believe me, I’ve asked dozens, and I’m as amazed as you.

Oprah’s speech today was just awesome, btw.  And I’m not an Oprah fanboy, either.  Ya’ll should check it out.

Occam’s Toothbrush here. Razor has the day off.

I’d say the fish is an appropriate and proportional representation of Beltran’s contribution to the Giants.

Yeah- on the one hand, I don’t get it; on the other hand, I don’t want to.

“...the whole purpose of art, I would argue, is to bring us together.”

Yeah. I’m guessing it was as simple as lifting this genius’s fingerprints all over the tape on the bombs and matching it with the convicted felon’s prints already in the FBI’s criminal fingerprint data base.  

Can we get Bobby Finger in here for some analysis?  I feel like we should hear from the experts on this one.

I’ve been doing it wrong.  I guess.

Ouch.

Also, you should never look directly at the Phoenix Sun, and the Phoenix Suns are likewise unwatchable, so that fits, too.

It is a national holiday celebrating a math error.  As American as a holiday can get.