We now bring you Patton’s testimony, live from next month -

The thing that rubs me the wrong way is that we cant fix things at home because “not enough money,” we can’t fix things in PR because “not enough money.” But the moment one of the most well off countries in the world has a national landmark burn, one that has gaind an insaine amout of donations from the super rich,…

Notre Dame isn’t a motherfucking tragedy. What the fuck is wrong with you?

If JJ undoes “the Force belongs to everyone” by bait-and-switching Rey’s parentage, I’m gonna be pissed. For all of TLJ’s flaws, having Rey be born of nobodies to rise up against the Skywalker was a brilliant move. Having some stupid “Kylo was lying! You’re Super Special!” would suck hard.

I am looking forward to Rian having his own story arc in 3 movies. Part of my big problem with TLJ has been the shift in narrative and character actions between TFA and TLJ and I think that’s just because you didn’t have the same people writing both movies. I think giving Rian 3 movies he writes and directs they’ll be…

Won’t stop people from complaining

Let it go.

Cap so mad he does a swear? Thanos doesn’t stand a chance

Dearest Kayla,
I have one moment this morning to write to Let you that we were courageous and successful this night against the Columbia District Nationals & matters Seem to be a Little more Easy. The morrow will see batting practice again, though our Philadelphia nine remain unchallenged in battle yet this year.…

Well, I don’t think you’re going to like my Bryce Harper sign, then...

I am replying to myself and my own article to let the record show that I am not racist since I wear white after Labor Day.

The minute he said this I knew the proverbial shit would hit the fan. I mean Jordan didn’t even have to say this because we all know how white men react when any film, TV show, Broadway Play, off Broadway play, mini series, Romantic Comedy, porno or Instagram post doesn’t revolve around them or their shitty lives. Oh…

It ends with a scene of the bris for Tony Stark and Pepper’s son(they have been secretly jewish this whole time). Vision cuts the foreskin using a heat beam with the mind stone. Spider-man webs it up with his webbing stuff. War Machine is the rabbi (also jewish).

I thought her middle name was The.

IG-88: You rode a backpack?

Simple. They turn Ripley into a Disney Princess and release a G rated “Alien Tales” show on Disney +.

Hey, what does Shazam smell like?

Just in case, I’m going out this morning to buy obscene amounts of marijuana gummy bears and distilled water. They will find me in a thousand years hydrated, happy and frozen solid.

Or, I’ll be at work in a couple hours pretending not to be high as hell. Climate change!

As a former college player (SEC) and participant in dozens of national and state tournaments, let me make an observation about President Trump and his golf game:

If you feel like games are cheaper and better a year later, maybe stop buying them the day they come out?