Somewhere a Carnival Cruise executive is screaming “MAKE IT HAPPEN” into a designer’s phone

I can’t wait to see what kind of plywood cover North Korea puts on a stolen Kia Sportage in response.

One can only hope when Garland gets to meet Jesus, Jesus says “Let me show you to the pit you’ll be living in for the next thousand forevers. This is your roommate, the octo-penised rapenocerous. Every six hours he eats a Cialis the size of a Kia Sportage. No, the TV showing ‘Small Wonder’ cannot be turned off. Enjoy!”

How was he only 79? That means he was late 30s-early 40s back in his heyday, and he looked about 200 back then.

In another reality Chris Christie, lowest-ranked salesman for Airport Automall Kia/Hyundai/Buick, has been banned from Citizens Bank Park for throwing a full Bud Light at a children’s choir singing the national anthem.

I would pay cash American to see Skip Bayless be the next Bachelor.

There’s also the “don’t properly maintain their flying garbage scows” factor with an airline like Allegiant — tossing Carter-era MD80s into the sky while cutting corners.

The scariest part about the Walmart car sales is “get financing here” aspect.

I wish I could remember where I read it for proper crediting, but the best description of Texans vs. Raiders is “A playoff game with zero playoff implications.”

As an Eagles fan I just am thankful the Titans were utterly insane and turned down the ludicrous king’s ransom Kelly offered for the chance to draft Mariota, lest the damage he did to my team be that much more catastrophic.

If being a rampaging dickhole disqualified one from the Hall, there’d be some major plaques missing.

And if your only reason for not voting for a defines-era-at-the-position, any-reasonable-human-would-call-him-a-lock player is “well, *nobody* should be a unanimous vote” then your voting pen should be hammered up your urethra by a blind cobbler

I usually had to go out alone and “one man band” so the tiny car was easier to toss around and left the bigger cars for two-person teams.

It was. When it went back for an oil change the dealer asked “what have you been DOING to this poor thing?”

In my TV reporter days I’d always grab the keys to the Justy — a Justy the local car dealer threw in FOR FREE when we bought three Legacy wagons — and it never let me down.

Having grown up in a certain era, I was always 100% convinced the ultimate car was the 1977 Pontiac Trans Am, complete with gold screaming chicken on the hood.

Thanks!

Crap, I was too slow on the draw for my version of the exact same question.

Stupid question: Is there a loss of seat-folding-into-floorability with all the extra stuff to make it a hybrid?

I once dropped a big bottle of Olive Oil that shattered on my kitchen floor, splashing everywhere and turning me into Adrian trying to keep my feet on the ice rink while screaming at the kid and the dog to stay out of the kitchen lest my wife come home to Vesuvian fountains of blood.