This is all the phone parents should ever get their spoiled, bratty children.

You know, just looking at the hardware we use, our physics experiments always look fundamentally bad ass. To the naive, this looks like a fucking faster than light motor! This machine, which is merely a gigantic array of detectors(!), and its giant, thick, brutal boxiness lets you know we are peering deep into the…

Amateurs!

Is it that freaking hard to use common sense and not reach for something with exposed rotors spinning fast enough to sustain flight?

Why use a board when you can use an alligator?

They’re warranted here! Did you see that crazy shit Doc was talking?!

That's on The Ocho, mi amigo

once Simmons played the testicular fortitude card, the damage could not be reversed.

looking forward to the announcement of the Sony Z4 compact!!! :D

Or the lack thereof.

He can’t refer to Roger Goodell’s anatomy.

Correction: The 287th replay of the 2014 World Series of Poker

Just to clarify, Stephen A. Smith can belittle women and defend domestic violence with impunity, but Simmons can’t refer to basic anatomy?

Absolute bullshit, having an ESPN talent associate with a fake sport. Shameful really, since he works for a sports network. Next on the Deuce: the 2014 World Series of Poker.

Deflated balls. Testicular fortitude. A network of dicks. Sensing a theme.

Sony Z3 Compact Tablet, man. It’ll change your life.

The Japanese know what you need when it comes to reading tentacle hentai in the shower.

If you read this article as anything other than sympathetic to Simmons for getting royally fucked over by ESPN, I think you’re bringing your own biases to it rather than spotting ours.

Who wants a smugstache ride?