MORE LIKE LYINGGATE, AMIRITE?!

No, no, I didn't guess it!

Go on…

Aw, I was hoping for a Dune hijacking.

Before we shake please wipe that bile off your glad hand, if you don't mind.

I wanted to comment about the films but now all I can think about is bacon. Crispy, salty, delicious bacon…

Knocked off or knocked up? I'd love to see O'Neal with a huge baby bump! I mean bigger than the one he already has. Har dee har har.

According to research by Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey and other noted biologists and naturalists who've studied ape and monkey cultures there is, in fact, usually a form of civil order, a clear and well established hierarchy of authority and pecking order which prevails, but this is not at all a social mechanism which…

Univision Communications?! I was told The AV Club was a Hustler/Jack & Jill publication. I'm outta here!!!

And the Golden Globe for most blatant and incompetent attempt to capitalize on the Golden Globes Awards Ceremony goes to…

I'm sure there's thousands of rotted corpses in Pirates of the Caribbean's fetid, murky water. It's a body dumping spot for the Florida drug cartels, as well as a popular murder spot for bickering spouses. You simply grab one of those goddamn annoying animatronic characters' musket and bash your deserving asshole…

And eerily, but in a manufactured, synthetic, commercially exploitative way. Please exit this comment through the gift shop…

The parallels with Elvis are also too on-the-nose to be ignored. Elvis started out a radical, untamed wildman—culturally speaking—and ended his days an archly conservative, paranoid, rabid reactionary. Elvis met Nixon and asked to be granted official status as an FBI agent. This may have been the product of the…

Because they checked ALL the OTHER moments, didn't find you there, and so by process of elimination narrowed it down to THIS moment. And there's another moment wasted!

If the study of Great Apes and even lesser apes and monkeys is a worthwhile source of inspiration it would appear that morality is a very, very tentative if not aberrant phenomenon, and often enough actually works against the benefit and well being of individuals as well as the larger community. Whenever behavioral…

Frankie was soooo gay for Jack Daniels.

In a no-holds-barred cage match!

I thought they already made a sequel to Bubba Ho-Tep: Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde

It's almost too on the nose of a parallel to contemporary conditions to be enjoyable as a film, for me. My contempt/disgust/disbelief reservoir is nearly bone dry drained empty, so being made to compare those two very distinct and seemingly opposed characters—Sinatra vs. Trump—would only make even more graphic and…

If I refused to vote for Shillary merely for misogynistic reasons I would've worn only my jockstrap to the voting poll, which happened to be at the local elementary school that happened to be where I kissed a girl for the first time, by surprise, then pushed her down a ravine into a filthy polluted drainage ditch. Ah,…