That was very fun to read, Sean. Merci beaucoup y chupa mi pinga. Gesundheit!

Which are more like ankle warmers, amirite?!

You neglected the essential fashion accessory, spats. No points!

You said you fell last time because you were wearing 5 inch spike heels. What's gonna be your excuse this time?!

Dag, he gangsta.

You do realize, don't you, that you're only encouraging @louvlindner3:disqus with your passionate, perhaps psychotic literary diversions? You do?! Well then, carry on…

Jeesh, calm down, brah. Sounds like you could use some therapeutic Transcendental Meditation at your high stress school.

Awwww, Terri Garr. Now I'm kinda sad…

You're a thoroughly, possibly pathologically confused individual. Best of luck with all that.

A severed ear trophy delivered via treadmill would make me so happy.

Did they notify Homeland Security? Or Leslie Nielsen?

Medals for Fucking are handed out at the AVN Awards in Las Vegas. Also, hand jobs are handed out.

*clicks stopwatch* "Not funny."

Wasn't he funny in two things?!

Aziz Ansari spells his name A Z I Z A N S A R I while Louis CK and Jerry Seinfeld, um, don't.

Yes, yes, I'm already well aware of the differences between a legal and a moral obligation, but thank you for the rudimentary lecture. *Yaaaaaaaawwwwwn* *wink!*

There's nuthin weird about eating meat—especially crispy skin or creamy marrow!!—so the ethical and moral cloaks in which vegetarians so piously enshroud themselves makes me want to slap them in the face with a 24 ounce prime cut ribeye steak!

Who said you couldn't?! But pleeze, just be funny doing it, fer fuk's sake!!

No, as much as I despise him and everything he stands for, or sits for, or lays for, Trump is a public figure who—as tragic as the reality is—is the Republican nominee for the office of President of the United States of America, so it's reasonable that Jimmy would have him on his show. Jimmy didn't have to be his…

I agree with you that comedians shouldn't necessarily be exempt from social responsibility simply because what they do qualifies as entertainment. Comedian are in a nearly unique position to hold people's attention in a way which few other performers share in that their direct and unmediated conversational engagement…