His leg prolly just snapped under the enormous strain of being forced to support such a tremendous load of arrogant ignorant bullshit. He's a tremendous assshole.

Holds it. Holds it! HOLDS IT!!!…

In Philly all through the 80's into the 90's there was a guy—a small, squat, grimy, swarthy little troll of a creature—who slowly drove an old beat up converted pickup truck around town selling fresh fish out of the back, almost as though it were some sort of grotesque twisted ice cream truck. He had a loudspeaker on…

A soccer match? SOCCER?! You deserved it. Futball!!

Well, be that as it may, I'll have you know that this Roger Ebert whose memory you've so graciously honored with those cutely clever, plagiarized words is the very same gentleman who once in the course of executing his routine duty as a noted, respected, even revered judge, jury and executioner of other people's…

When I was a 2nd grader in Catholic School I saw one of the nuns slip and fall on an ice patch in the parking lot and I thought to myself "Awesome!!" I'm not as depraved as you're probably imagining me to be, you see, because that parking lot was also our little shitty school's playground and it was very hard and it…

What if your business is front window repairs? Funny? Maybe. Ironic? I'm thinking…

His icy cold corpse was found partially dipped in still warm fudge.

Craven, shameless ankle exhibitionists!

Well, then there's no point in going on. I've lost the gill to live.

I remember the way the Good Humor man would plunge his arm deep into his quaint little truck's open freezer door all the way up to his armpit as he'd search around blind—by finger touch or by memory—until he'd abruptly extract his arm and boldly present the exact ice cream bar that'd been requested. Demanded,…

I can barely tolerate changing the angle of my drafting table light arm, nor can I stand to even see a table leg being unscrewed from a tabletop. Yeuch!

Did you see that gymnast whose lower leg snapped like a stalk of celery and bent 90 degrees?! Awesome!!

Fucking weird bodies is one of my greatest pleasure, 2nd only to eating weird food. #3 is fucking weird food, eg: spaghetti zucchini, or live chimpanzee brains served in the skull.

Sysco Kyd… was a fryend of myne.

Always go with douche. Personal hygiene is paramount!

…cum to life. fify

Whoa, another celebrity death. I'm sure I can count on two hands the people whose names I know, or might possibly recognize, maybe, whose lives have ended in death. Coincidentally, lately I've been idly wondering if most if not all people's lives, in fact, end in death? Whoa, could you imagine?!

And minorities.

I love the video of Steve getting slammed by the massive snow wave from a rapidly passing snowplow as he stood on the side of the hidden road trying to do his report. He got totally buried!