Diana Krall is sooooooooo overrated. Just do the right thing and listen to Nancy Wilson, Dinah Washington and Ella, you silly white people.

In 1990 had a '71 Olds 442. It was rated at 350 horsepower, but 0-60 took 10 seconds. It was quick enough for most of my needs except for when I wanted to get away from some clown in a Chevy or Mustang Boss.

I never said you said it was the Capitol. I cleverly and subtly implied it. Aha, politics!

Kicking Communism's ass is an impressive thing to do, yeah, sure, of course. But banging a desperately vulnerable, drugged up and probably oblivious Marilyn Monroe is definitely not impressive, and it's actually depraved and heinous, especially because he was supposed to be a happily married good little Catholic boy.

Dover. The capital of Delaware is Dover. Wilmington is where Joe goes for his cybernetic android synthetic blood transfusions.

No, Jack was a stiff, stuffy, uptight product of a political dynasty family. The same way that Ivanka is a natural full-of-shit phony—just like her demented Daddy—except that JFK had some actual, genuine political skills. He wasn't exactly a casual, cool, hip dude—like Obama actually is—but was more of an entitled,…

He still sneaks his Newports while Michelle is doing pilates or is taking the girls to sports practice, or doing whatever else a monster champion superwoman does. He claimed to have quit about 5 years ago but aids have spoken about him slipping out for a butt in the Rose Garden (or in the Executive Super Secret…

No, commercial cigarettes are just pathetic, sad tools of sinister corporate oppression. A cool affectation might be a genuine Meerschaum lined Briar wood pipe, packed with primo Hawaiian bud or Turkish Black Hash.

Thrush Hushers, or Cherry Bombs?

Smokey and the Bandit III: Fifty Shades of Chubby

And the Z28 is a modded Camaro. So is the IROC Z, otherwise known around Philly as a Guidomobile

If the rooster goes with the chicken, who's having sex with the hen?

Old people say weird stuff.

Joltin' Joe has spilled a barrel of Vice Presidential Goop to Gwyneth's severe, antiseptic image.

They founded Oasis. They are the founders of Oasis!

Who doesn't listen to that?!

Waterloo, Waterlooo…

I had an insufferably tedious housemate one year in art school who claimed he couldn't listen to any songs with lyrics because the lyrics would get stuck in his brain, and if he didn't listen to specific acoustic music to counteract the phenomenon the echoing lyrics in his mind could drive him insane. I explained to…

But then they play "Kashmir" from Physical Graffiti. That movie is sooooo bogus, man.

He's got "Mambo No. 5" blasting on a loop on the Chinese made 8 track player in his private jet, but he usually doesn't even hear it over the sound of his own raging dementia.