You know, it’s not like the Affleck Batman was perfect, but at least he seemed like he’d been around a bit and seen some shit (you know, like Batman). But of course now we’re right back to him being a fresh-faced babe in the woods just getting his footing again. Yawn. Why is it so hard to envision a story about a…

The best hip-hop song ever or THE best hip-hop song ever? Discuss.

Did you not see the word “problematic” in the review? That’s an automatic letter grade deduction.

There must be some generational nutritional deficiency that makes millennials believe that no one making movies before 1999 was capable of being funny on purpose. You’re right, I’m sure nobody on the set had the slightest clue that the sight of Arnold carrying a two-ton log on his shoulder like it was a rolled up…

I thought it was just right, but I tend to like finales that leave us with more of an existential feeling of continuance than a feeling of closure. For instance, I think that the finale of Angel—which ends right at the cusp of the ultimate battle, illustrating the show’s thesis that the fight against evil is…

I think the Germans have been hiding it from us. I just found out last year and it changed my life.

Dude got his Cinderella shot and pissed it down his leg.

Never forget that “depp” means “douchebag” in German.

That wasn’t a fade-to-black in the Sopranos finale. That was a slam-cut-to-black. I didn’t have any other lights on in the room so I thought the fucking power went out when that shit happened.

That’s a mod of the Batman NES game, right? Or maybe the Robocop game. One of those.

This doesn’t surprise me. The trailer felt like when the cool, popular kids would put on a skit in the senior variety show or at a pep rally and assume their combined star power would make up for the halfassedness of their material and their lackluster commitment to it. It feels like A-listers having a laugh slumming…

I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.

I’ve never seen nor heard of half these people, so this is the first time I’m noticing that, holy cow, Eddie and Stan are way, way, WAY, WAY too fucking hunky. Like, Ben turning handsome, that’s a character trait. It’s part of who he is. It makes no sense for these other two to look like catalog models. I’m not even…

He generally refers to himself as Bavarian, but still.

There are two ways you could have handled this.

That literally happened when some chuckleheads tried pulling a home invasion at Dolph Lundgren’s place. He wasn’t even there. They just saw his picture on the mantle and were like, “Ma’am, we are so sorry. We’ll just shut the door on our way out.”

That might be part of it. It’s like his rockstar persona thinks he’s too cool to have fun, which is a problem for someone I still primarily think of as a comedian. 

At this point, an AV Club writer wouldn’t be able to say whether he or she preferred to breathe oxygen or airborne clouds of razor-sharp iron particulates without toeing the party line. If particulates get more clicks, then it looks like someone will have to write a quick newswire called “We Love Our New Bloody Lungs…

You youngsters are hilarious. This is nothing. Try surviving the whiplash of the sudden and irrevocable grown-ass sexiness of Drew Barrymore. One second she’s Gertie and the next she’s in Cinemax movies and whipping off her top on Letterman. We didn’t know what the hell was going on.