“I work for a company whose only function is to put the whole world’s business on blast. There’s no way this preposterous tone-deaf horseshit I just sent to hundreds of people will ever come back to haunt me.”

I was ahead of the curve on that one. I read it at 17 and fucking hated every word of it. It’s not even the story of a bunch of useless, self-involved assholes, because calling something a story implies some kind of narrative with a structure and, like, a point.

I read everything in Bronson’s voice.

Or when I watched Police Academy for the first time in decades and found myself 100% on Harris’ side.

It is really bumming me out that 80s jocks turned out to be right about nerds and slobs.

The stories I could tell if I weren’t a taciturn badass with a mysterious past.

That’s just a coincidence, like how the best years of SNL just happened to be when I was in high school.

It’s like how any movie or TV show that tries to do the kitschy 50s suburbia thing nowadays is mainly expressing nostalgia for the 80s’ nostalgia for the 50s, not the 50s themselves. Back to the Future basically usurped the entire decade.

That’s the worst thing I’ve read since the last time someone posted an excerpt of Cline’s writing on here.

I interviewed Guru over the phone right before the release of his first solo album after the Gang Starr breakup. Solar (who produced the album and was not, to put it mildly, another Premier) was on speaker with him the whole time and ended up answering most of the questions either with him or for him. It was kind of…

The one time in my life I ever went to “the club,” Premier randomly showed up to spin and scratch. I knew it would be all downhill from there so I never went back.

Why’s that a bad thing? For me, the period when the 70s and 80s overlapped (say, 1978 - 1982) produced some of the greatest works of popular art ever created.

For a second there I thought you were going to suggest that The Ownerz was their masterpiece. Crisis averted.

You’ll have to be more specific. Seems I can’t go a single season without some group of organized criminal creeps shotgunning my crop to shit when I won’t let ’em muscle in on my business. I’ve had the Italians, the Dixie Mafia, the Russian Mob, Triads, Yakuza, you name it. Shit, last year the fuckin’ Serbians tried…

I still find Smith pretty entertaining but he’s a fucking cringe factory when he overshares about his sex life. Even Mewes doesn’t want to hear that shit.

The thing about ideas is, once you have one, 100% of your work is done. Eleven solid seasons of execution are utterly meaningless. It’s like that time me and my stoner buddies created The Matrix by speculating that perhaps the world as we perceived it was a computer simulation.

I find out you’re talking about Grand Theft Auto, we’re gonna have words.

Automated response to all Star Wars-related news:

And why didn’t Pac-Man try negotiating with the ghosts? They’re both trapped in the same hermetically sealed nightmare realm of dots, fruits, and mazes from which there is no escape and no possibility of victory. This unending cycle of hostility and retribution must end for the good of both sides.

Apology accepted. I respect that you didn’t double down when confronted. We all fuck up sometimes but it takes character to own up to it. No hard feelings.