Whenever I get a comment above 500 stars, Soros gives me a dime and a pat on the head.

Whenever I see something like that plaque, either all different sized words, I stare at it for a good five minutes trying to discern any secret messages the lopsided text has to offer.

I’m sorry, but my favorite type of Kinja commentor is the “angry about spoilers that aren’t really spoiler” guy. Just how their mind works is thing beautiful mystery.

Yeah, I know. But I'm grey and probably gonna be grey for a while. So whatever. Kinda bored at work anyway.

Since I’m a certified © brain genius, I’ll inform you: it’s all people. Hypocrite knows no political party. Anyone can be one.

But what if there’s alcohol in the soda? Surely that makes it better!

What a crock of shit. Franken resigning should’ve been a good move by the Dems to show they can hold their own accountable. It was the right thing to do, and an easy PR move against the GOP that would rather eat its own shit than even think about accountability in the party. How is this hard to realize? Am I some kind…

Fuck the NRA. Maybe they can ask their Russian pals for some cash.

It’s amazing that climate scientists disagree with your dumbass anecdotes.

It’s amazing how much the weather has shifted in 20 years but people refuse to acknowledge it.

I'm pretty sure no one understands what quotes are supposed to mean. I dig the background on this. But if the signs I see all over provide any insight, it's that the average person thinks quotes are the same as bold or italics. 

I honestly can’t think We Built This City without thinking of the shitty We Built Sioux City version.

Any conversation about celebrity fitness vs average person fitness should include this (Sorry it’s so fucking huge. Kinja gonna Kinja) :

His mom was killed because her name is Martha in the MCU and there’s a group of Inheritor style villains that kill the moms of heroes named Martha. Dad died defending her.

Tell them Black people can’t vote on the Sun and they’d probably willingly go.

The boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.

You gotta throw it above a door, that’s the secret. And don’t forget, you can pick it up to reload and redeploy!

Myers Birggs as astrology for Business Majors.

I really miss bots for pure dumb fun. I remember switching to Halo and being disappointed that there weren't bots. Especially on the big maps.

Fucking with the bots was a blast.