I know you said “fake” spoiler alert but...

Having seen it last night, RoS does make it PAINFULLY obvious that almost every choice is a retcon of TLJ. It’s INSANE how unsubtle it is. The part about the gang not breaking up might be the least subtle bit. But there were a few times where I FULLY rolled my eyes because of how much they’re almost obviously shitting…

It’s freaky how close to the reality that is.

“supposedly woke indulgences”

You’re gonna be bitterly disappointed when you go see this film.

Exactly this. Holdo would’ve been entirely within her rights to have Poe swiftly shot for insubordination. And while I like TLJ as-is, I think that decision probably would’ve improved the movie.

Holdo shouldn’t tell Poe anything. He disobeyed a direct order and got a bunch of people killed. It makes perfect sense for her to keep him in the dark. It is the only reasonable thing to do as a military leader.

The problem is this is not the way the Star Wars universe works. In the Star Wars universe, the heroes are…

No kidding. I wont say that Last Jedi had some problems, but overall I thought it was strong and more importantly the story had some interesting potential moving foward. I was all “Okay, you have my attention. Lets see where you go with this. . . .”

And then JJ was announced and I instantly knew there would be no joy…

It wasn’t Lucas’s story to tell—he sold the franchise. It wasn’t J.J.’s either—he’s admitted to making it up as he went along and refused to plot out a three-movie arc. What’s upsetting you is that Johnson didn’t tell your story, or what you had built up in your head about what the story was supposed to be.

“decided to do his own thing and throw everything that preceded his own supposedly woke indulgences in the toilet.” 

Somewhat ironically, the RLM Star Wars reviews might be improved by a fan edit

If Kennedy had worked more with Johnson then yeah maybe he would’ve been more successful getting his legislation passed. He didn't though, and Johnson ended up being the one to do all the heavy lifting to get the Kennedy stuff through. I think it's long overdue that everyone who obsesses over JFK just admit to…

“His reviews are the Endgame of Star Wars fan-videos.”

I would love to know what that could possibly mean.  

Please, said foundation was built on fucking quicksand anyway. Old Western tropes, Flash Gordon serials and Samurai classics are a pretty great way to frame the house on quicksand though. 

What.

...I...uh...okay I...um...

Honestly, as soon as I heard that Abrams was coming back it pretty much killed all of my expectations for the movie.

it stars some black woman with a bleach fetish

It’s kind of funny how Damon Lindelof used to be so hated, now we love him. Abrams could never personally create something as great as Leftovers or Watchmen.