He seems like a harmless guy (in the grand scheme of things) who just wants to play guitar.

Even without seeing that there was a youtube link, I heard “for a Farrrrr better deal” in my head.

But the amazing (well, not that amazing) thing is that they haven’t floated up to the top. Like, in almost never. They have literally won their division three times. Twice during that incredible three-year run when they a playoff game and once in 1983 when they went 9-7.

If only they didn’t get fucked by that toilet of a stadium, two brutally-timed strikes, the weak Canadian dollar, and Jeffrey fucking Loria.

My guess is that all five candidates are on the ballot and you can vote for a certain number of them (probably three, but I’m not completely sure). The top three vote-getters make the council.

Don’t forget Stax. That is a high-quality museum. Very different from the Sun Records tour, but equally enjoyable.

Yeah, I went to a bridge tournament there in March and walked back to our rental house at 11:00pm. It took about 40 minutes and I’m not sure I saw 20 cars the entire way.

The only time I’ve ever asked a server if I could speak to their manager was so I could tell the manager what an awesome job they had done.

Detroit style pizza also is sort of deep dish (but not really), with a crunchy ring around the top, but the rest of the crust is like regular pizza.

For as long as I can remember, after taking a shower I dry my left arm before I dry my right arm. I don’t know what possessed me to dry my right arm first the other day, but it literally took me three seconds* to figure out how to transfer the towel from my left hand to my right hand so I could dry my left arm.

Speaking of Jackie Robinson, when are people going to wake up and realize that he just wasn’t that great. I mean, when he started his major league career, he didn’t have to play against any other minorities and even later in his career he was still playing almost exclusively against white people. If people use that…

I know I’ve told this story before, but, when my son was three, we were at the zoo and he made that face that little boys make (it’s always little boys) when they desperately need to poop but really don’t want to stop what they’re doing.

Or you could just get divorced and wait for your kids to grow up and leave the house. Now every day (and night) is basically those two hours stretched out for eternity.

I would vote for Harambe the Dead Gorilla if he was the Democratic nominee running against Trump in 2020. Regardless of what Maddow or Winfrey say.

Of course I knew it was Patty. But you’re still getting a star for the gif.

Ok, so halfway through your sentence I was like “I know she was supposed to be Doug’s crush, but it’s not like she was close to hot”

And then I realized you were talking about a different show.

Were your kids fans of the Paddington Bear books?

Because that’s the only possible reason I can think of anyone thinking that marmalade sounds like a good thing.

I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this place, but Gus’s World Famous Fried Chicken in Memphis was amazing. If I worked in downtown Memphis, I would be even fatter than I am now.

I loved how the bear who shilled Super Sugar Crisp basically sounded like he was stoned out of his gourd.

The garlic press that I received as a present came with a hollow foam-roller-type-thing. You put the clove(s) in the middle, roll it back and forth for about five seconds (while putting pressure on the clove through the roller) and all of the skin comes off inside the roller. Shake it out over the garbage can and it’s…