Why in the world would anyone care how somebody else eats a burger? Do you go to restaurants and surreptitiously watch people to see if they eat a burger the “wrong way” and then silently judge them?

The side of that van is like the 2018 equivalent of a wizard shooting lightning out of his fingertips while riding a unicorn.

I used to think that dreams were instantaneous based on a story from my high school psychology class (30 years ago) where a guy had this elaborate dream that he was being led to the guillotine during the French Revolution. At the very moment that the blade came down, he woke up because a rod from the canopy fell and…

Maybe it’s just because I’m old and slow and everyone looks fast to me, but it didn’t look like Joseph was rumbling, bumbling, stumbling his way to the end zone.

How has nobody mentioned the (photoshopped) painting in the background that perfectly fits Smith’s new ‘do?

<soothing voice>We’ll just cover up that logo with a happy little cloud. And thank you for choosing to spend your afternoon with me today.</soothing voice>

Bass players are not real guitarists.

Maybe that’s only if you drive a Dodge Stratus?

Cue the Tim Kurkjian “only in baseball” column in 3...2...1.

So “Myles Jack Wasn’t Down” is the Jacksonville equivalent of Sabres fans saying “No Goal”?

That seems fitting.

Amazingly, the spokesman in that ad looks, to me, both like Jack Black and a time-traveling Jack Nicholson. It never would have occurred to me that those two looked anything alike.

So it sounds like the Coliseum is a lousy place to watch a game, no matter how good of a product there might be on the field. If only ownership had some way of providing a better stadium experience.

The absolute best part about Norm as Burt is that, as ridiculous as Norm was, he was no more ridiculous than Burt in real life. Watch an old clip of Burt on the Tonight Show with Carson and you think Norm traveled back in time to sit on Carson’s couch.

Children?

Only if the game went past 12:00am. Then he REALLY would have been living...

I think monsters are soooo innnnteresting.

One of the best parts of Monsters, Inc. is when Sully thinks that Boo has been crushed in her monster costume. It’s basically a shot-for-shot remake of when Marc Antony thinks the kitten has been cooked in the oven.

When we did the 11-12 hour drive from Massachusetts to Michigan, we always left at about 10pm, which was the time my wife got home from work. I had stayed up late the night before and slept until 1pm or so. She took the first couple of hours, I took over at midnight and drove the rest of the way. The only stops were…

Obviously, the biggest risk for McLemore staying in college was blowing out his knee (or suffering some other crippling injury), but a much more likely risk that he avoids by coming out right away is having all of his faults picked over another year before he gets to the NBA and sliding way out of the lottery.

Ronaldinho looks like he’s about to tell me to hide my kids and hide my wife...

I know it shouldn’t bug me when people take, at face value, that Jackson was correctly quoting Ezekiel 25:17 in Pulp Fiction, but it does. Maybe because it’s not really that hard to find out what it really says. Maybe because I’m just a doofus who cares about stuff that doesn’t matter in any size scheme of anything.

Pro…