Ok I'm sobbing now.

He taught Geomancy at Hogwarts for a couple years, didn’t he?

A) the alpha/beta divide doesn’t actually exist in nature, only in captivity; in the wild, animal groups are almost entirely familial.

B) The exception being lions, which doesn’t really square up in any case since humans aren’t felines.

C) the only primate species with an dominant male/harem social structure are…

Exactly. If (beyond those very few extenuating circumstances you mention) you cannot make the commitment to live in places that allow your pet, buy the medications your pet needs to be healthy, and keep your pet for the rest of its life... don’t fucking get one. It breaks my heart to see ads on Craigslist every day…

JUST GONNA SIT OVER HERE CRYING GUYS. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve owned both cats and dogs and losing them opens up a hole in your heart that can shock you, especially if you aren’t prepared for the pain. You did a great thing by providing him with a home while he was here. You’re good people.

I’m so sorry. He’s was gorgeous boy, you gave him a wonderful life and in return he terrorized yours. Sending head bonks and healing purrs.

As someone who owns an incredibly annoying, vocal, face punching, smothering, Siamese cat...I feel you so hard right now. She is the absolute worst and we call her bitch kitty. We love her...and can’t stand her. We adopted her, and love her, and pledged our lives to her so she’s going to be with us until the day she…

How painful that you couldn’t be there at the end. But your writing is wonderful. Give yourself some downtime; it takes the pain a long time to lose its sharp edge, but it really never goes away.

I am in tears at my desk reading this beautiful eulogy for your beloved pet. There is nothing that compares to the death of a loved one, be them human or pet, annoying or loving. Even with knowing that a pets life expectancy was typically going to be less than yours facing the reality of it is always the hardest…

Someone was emotionally stunted as a child.

ALL FEMALES CHEAT. That’s a FACT.

Referring to women as “females” definitely helps your credibility here...

They were lawyers (now disbarred). And Mrs Easter was an author. So there is money. Kelli Peters will probably have to lien all their property to get it.

I’m in the PTA to combat the fact that people at my kids’ schools are apparently willing to believe my ex’s new wife when she says she’s their mom. So I thought I’d make an effort and be PTA. Those people are all bitches and the PTA is of the devil. Also of the devil: school picture day and book fair. You don’t know…

“We started to suspect that the accent was... less than genuine when he hung up by saying ‘Thank you! Come again!’”

I also knew who the picture was of way faster than I am comfortable with.

Some Julie Cooper, right there.

This is just like Peyton Place and they’re all Orange County hypocrites.

These stories upset me and terrify me. I walked into the hospital fully dialed and contracting at 18 weeks along. The doctors did everything they could do, but it was too late. Everyone knew the baby wouldnt make it, though he was healthy.. I was permitted to wait several hours until my preferred OB came in to the…

Dear god. As always, the comment section is a cesspool of emotional immaturity and rampant neomasculine misogyny. I love reading your stuff, Harris. It’s insightful, smart, funny and sometimes helpful! It’s a breath of fresh air in an internet filled with man-children. However, in all my time perusing your articles…