Trump and House Republicans threw a goddamn kegger when their shit passed yet these chumps get upset over selfies celebrating people not dying. Jesus.

If one race or nationality had higher overall medical costs than others, would you support rejecting them from the military as well? That’s why this is a bad argument.

Similarly, I too learned it from a movie: Short Circuit 2. If I remember correctly, Johnny Five used his radio transmitter to set off alerts in the car, including “The door is ajar” purposefully annoying the passengers next to a fully closed door.

100% chance that was not written by Trump. Tellingly, it is on the @POTUS handle, not his personal one.

Says the man who claim to politic fame was questioning the former President’s birthplace.

As someone who talked on the phone all the time for work, I dread making personal calls to anyone.

Only for that reason? Because I can think of a few other examples.

This little asshole doesn’t like cuddling or doing normal cat things. But she likes me enough so I can manage.

I, for one, would be totally down with a Perfect Strangers reboot. I think at least ... It couldn’t have been as bad as the other crap I watched on ABC when I was a kid.

Only one appropriate response to Trump/Ryan/et al:

If they are like a regular employer, they would have mounds of documentation and examples of the problem behavior to fall back on in case this would go to court.

Since when has Trump had evidence about any of the shit he tweets about. I shudder to think that his supporters can be allowed on a jury trial.

Still the best sinkhole victim:

Who do we have winning big at the Oscars later this month? La La Land? I’m hoping Arrival sneaks in an upset but I’m not holding my breath.

Here’s a nice word cloud in the shape of a Batman symbol of today’s press conference.

Counterpoint. Gravy is the only thing that makes biscuits worthwhile. I grew up in the south and I still cannot stand a nasty, dry biscuit that requires you to drink two pints of water to wash all the little bits out. English muffins are far superior.

Or you could die in the Bowling Green Massacre Strikes Back. RIP to us all.

#DrainTheSwamp. Fill it with even worse shit.

Thoughts and prayers, friend.

Coming soon via executive order: The Patriot Act 2.0