Not the Antonio Brown come back story I expected.

Awesome!

So that’s where he ended up.

Wouldn’t have been the first time I’ve had a night ruined by a 15-second boner.

Schrodinger’s quarterback

Funny, he’s also known as the only guy who can prevent another Giants Super Bowl victory.

And the only thing that can prevent another Patriots Super Bowl victory? This man:

And like that, the laughs of a million Steelers fans were suddenly silenced.

“Every story deserves a happy ending.”

This is a humiliating mulligan in which everyone loses face, feet, wallets, and reputations.

I know where he is coming from, I got a charlie horse the other day, and despite the pain and my body screaming at me to stop, I kept at it and finished that bucket of chicken.

[extremely Elton John voice] get that, chonky cat

Fuck that!

I think a “chunkier Reese Witherspoon” is called a Reese’s Witherspoon.

My favorite insults of this non-expletive variety are the sort a grandfather might use to refer affectionately to his grandson, like “sport”, “pal” or “champ”. Call someone an asshole and odds are they let it go, but there is something infuriating and delightful about the condescension of being told, “Alright, ease up…

I wouldn’t worry too much about the injured. In my experience, there are plenty of Chinese spare ribs to go around.

Design meeting:

“What should the failure mode be for the wave generator?”
“Nothing, it should just die quietly and stop functioning.”
“We could do that. Or.. and hear me out on this one...”

There I was, behind center for the Buffalo Bills. What madness led to this I had no time to ponder. As the supple leather of the ball slid into my hand, I took one step back, then two, then three. As I surveyed the field for potential recipients, I saw an outside linebacker charging like an angry rhino directly at my…

Fixed the headline for you.

scans for *female orgasm*