“Hammered, I’m leaving you to go feed animals at a zoo in South America.”

“Go feed animals at a zoo in South America if you want to go feed animals in a zoo in South America.”

...damn, you’re right!

Nothing to see hear

Go feed animals at a zoo in South America if you are going to use language such as that

In a way, aren’t we all a fart-recording Doug from New Jersey?

I won’t!

Our quarterback actually said these words:

I think with an iron man like JARVIS on their team, the Browns can avenge last season by winning infinity more games. But not if he starts a civil war during the preseason. Even 3 wins would be a marvel.

I tried to hail a cab today and I accidentally picked off a Christian Hackenberg pass.

To be fair, there ARE very fine purchasers of athletic footwear on both sides, both sides.

If Johnny keeps sucking like this he’s going to be sent back down to the Browns.

This is exactly why I don’t date porn stars

Grab a dictionary while you’re at it bro.

What about that really sexy rabbit who shows up every now and then to get Bugs out of a jam? What’s her deal? 

Bryant Gumbel: You got the ball, third-and-12 at your own 26, 4:24 left in the second quarter. Do you remember what happened?

If it weren’t for the white man, black people wouldn’t be where they are today and that is an undeniable fact.

Could the Raptors flip him?

Cousins: Hi, I’m looking for something that will serve as a symbol of my fleeting physical existence.

This box scenario brings us to a familiar paradox, as it seems - though the season hasn’t even started - the Lions’ playoff hopes are both alive and dead at the same time.

“Floyd was charged with ‘Super Extreme DUI’”

Should have stuck to the rivers and the lakes that they used to