I know you’re just trying to get me to read the headline several times, out loud, as fast as I can, but I won’t do it, I tell you! I won’t!

The people who think “yield” is a German word for “just keep going”.

And how is gazpacho not just really thin salsa? Hey, look, everybody! I’m eating my salsa with a spoon!

Meanwhile the Grammy Award should go to mine, for her marble cake recipe. Ah well, maybe next year, gram.

“I mean the odo said 156,163, but I got on the phone with the guy and was able to talk him down to 147,382!  I gave him my social and mother’s maiden and we sealed the deal then and there!”

I don’t think the pajama pants industry would have survived if it wasn’t for the invention of the drive-thru.

Assuming I’ll need both hands---how complimentary!

Is this where we get to talk about how top-split buns are better than side-split? If not, when do we get to do that?

Missing the bigger story here: with Necco out of business and the Sweethearts candy factory shut down this year, where the hell does clicking on that Breitbart ad take you?

I always put catsup on ketchup.  Just the way I was raised, I guess.

What about the legendary Carr N. Driver?

My vote’s for “incidentally”. That’s what I’d change it to, before continuing to push it off a cliff.

The “beef flavoring” is a synthesized amino acid combo that doesn’t actually contain beef. It’s vegetarian, but not vegan, as it has a milk component.

And if you own, or if your landlord hasn’t already, paint!  Paint before you move all your stuff in, otherwise you never will.  

And it still rusts, somehow?!

Being able to put two car seats in the back without feeling like an Apollo astronaut would be nice—it’s one of the main reasons I got rid of mine (battery/range degradation being the other).

I tried to stop myself from typing that White Castle was founded in 1921 and White Manna started in 1939, but I just couldn’t.  I really tried though.

Man, I bet the ten minutes of this I see on TV seven years from now is going to be pretty ok!

Yes, my mom collects post-amputation medical waste at the hospital, so what???  That’s her passion, and she followed her dreams!

There’s no treadmill testing anymore—all tests are done through OBDII. If your car is from 1995 or older, you don’t need to show up.