Can we talk about this guy less? I come to Deadspin to avoid that bullshit excuse for sports commentary, not run towards more of it.

$500k to get into USC? Admissions standards really are falling.

By “fuck you up” he means light yet deliberate physical contact above the clothes. One goes to H-E-double hockey sticks for that.

The 2014 draft was pretty anemic overall. Embiid was coming off a broken foot or he may have been justified at first overall.

+1 extra pass

He’s not fat, but he’s certainly not the same spry we’re used to. Maybe the hamstring, yet he dances on the perimeter and seems hesitant to drive. Paul Millsap was constantly cutting off his lanes, of all things.

This NBA season has been the gift that keeps on giving. Who would have thought LaVar Ball might have actually been right re: the Lakers front office.

Damn, two dong punches in succession. One hero is rotting away on the inside for all the world to see, and the other has stage IV cancer.

Damn dust in the air, fuck...

Room temperature take: Durant’s gone. Ewing theory probably applies once he leaves and the Warriors go back to actually being a fun team that throw some Care Bear Stare joy at teams every night, melting all comers into a path of rainbows and butterflies on the way to another 1-seed.

I’ll settle for excruciating dong punch at the hands of the Dubs this evening, followed by a zombie sleep-walking loss to the Kings, capped off with a gritty parallel “nobody believed in us” win over the Lakers that firmly cements LeBron in the lottery.

“A 77-year-old woman? Touché.”

“It wasn’t me.”

These letters feel like 45's missteps and shortcomings. There are so many to mock mercilessly for any number of reasons, yet the sheer volume basically devolves the response into a simple -_-

You’re right about the Swaggy P thing; I had forgotten about that. Maybe he did need a scenery change and the harsh light of LA didn’t suit him at that point in his career.

Lakers with Russell (but no Kuzma) and Randle, with Tatum instead of Ball, and this would be a hell of a different club right now.

This is an awful take. Physical violence, forced drug addiction, mental abuse, language barriers, threat of deportation or worse - these are tools of the trade of sex traffickers.

I think it’s worth remembering that people that engage in human trafficking and exploitation are some of the absolute lowest, if not the lowest, class of person on this planet. I wouldn’t expect a ton of sophistication on the details.

“Highly disappointed I allowed you to give my friend and I a facial and massage.”

What’s a little Hardball between friends?