I love my children and I wouldn’t want either of those human people removed from the world. BUT having a second kid was both objectively and exponentially more difficult.

All middle sliders

Not anymore.

Oh SHIT you’ve just reminded me I need to find a new hiding place for my spare key.

Where does YOUR poop go, my man? It goes in the toilet.

During the four year period of my life when my partner and I decided to go hard into WWE fandom, we went to a half dozen house shows, and I tell you, you have not lived until you’ve enjoyed a wrestling show seated near someone else’s enthusiastic 8 year old.

CAME HERE ALSO FOR THIS. The highest purpose of a Charleston Chew is to be eaten frozen. They win in every category.

I dumped a guy, in part, because his favorite show was Gilmore Girls.

I dated a guy for three months, who lived in three different places, always with three other roommates, not one of whom believed he had any responsibility to cleaning living room, kitchen, or bathroom.

Well, I didn’t vote for her. That’s all I know!

Starred for Vogons. A critically acclaimed author does not (automatically) a compelling public speaker make! I remember she was also vaguely insulting to my graduating class, so maybe that’s her thing?

She was my commencement speaker back in the day and lmty it was fuckin DREARY

CHEESE AND FUCKING RICE, CAMERON. Your kids will not learn to use a Kleenex properly unless you teach them to do it.

I want to dismiss this guy for being ridiculous but also maybe he has HAD it with capitalism and is trying to pay some bills, in which case, SOLIDARITY.

Our lunch period in middle and high school was 17 minutes. I brought my lunch every day and only had to find a seat and focus on eating, but woe to all my peers standing in the lunch or snack bar line. In the nearly twenty years since I graduated, I’ve had to teach myself how to eat at a normal pace again, because my…

TERFs are the fuuuuucking worst.

Oh, the voice work is great! But so great that it could not possibly be matched by any living female actress? I did not know that Tina’s character was changed, but that’s pretty rad. Tina is the best.

I haven’t either, but while we are on the subject— what’s with both Linda and Tina of Bob’s Burgers being voiced by dudes?

Having attempted to sell a house in the past year myself, I totally understand that nightmare. Eat an Impossible Burger for Lent and be free of my snarky questioning!!

Comment of the fucking year, everyone go home