I think it’s the aggregate of his image that pushes it beyond “fun throwback” and into “ridiculous amateur” for me. Maybe if the announcers would take sides [”Look at this loser, you can’t take this Bratz doll seriously.” “He’s a fierce competitor with a mean streak longer than your private runway and anyone who…

Breeze’s transition was so half-assed. His doofy theme song was fine at NXT, but on Monday Night RAW it sounds like something I made on my laptop; when you combine that with your Project Runway reject-designed muppet leg tights and pouting, it’s super hard to see how he fits into a roster that already has The Miz.

Dana Brooke’s talents get eclipsed by the fact that she looks like a throwback Attitude Era Diva. It’s really hard to take her athleticism seriously when she looks like Sable Barbie.

Can I star this 100 times? Is that a thing Kinja can do for me?

It is a sport with remarkably few egos and lots of action, which sets it apart from everything except, maybe, women’s soccer?

At least amend your article to include the most ridiculous Thing That is By Sacred Tradition Thrown Onto the Ice During a Game: the raw octopus.

Isn’t that the guy David Bowie played that built a transporter for Wolverine and Batman? Assisted by Gollum? Married a pigeon IRL?

I think for maximum 4/1 hilarity, kotaku has to run jalopnik, right? I mean, most of those nerds probably don’t even have licenses lolololololol NERDS

I was coming down into the comments to say exactly how deeply I COVET that fireworks number, so you are my personal hero for having touched the actual dress. Was it as glorious in person as it is in the fashion spread?

Well, I am now sufficiently creeped out, thank you.

Why will it be renamed? Somebody decipher the logistics of Shark Tank’s marketing minds for me!

Full disclosure: every time I see “Beyonce” in print, I hear it pronounced “Bay-yon-SAY” as delivered by Kate McKinnon-as-Anne Romney.

“As the most important writer in the room—”

Fanny packs are kind of an unironic ironic thing again. IDK runners, man.

Anemone’s makeup is SO GOOD. I mean, I would do that every day if I could makeup worth a damn.

Is “checkmate atheists” the new “thanks Obama”? If so, I am Here For It.

Thank you, Gideon, I am dying at my desk. Dying. Of Dead.

The important difference between you, Classicblanca Film, sensible adult human, and this bro up there suing another personal care company for damages, is that you recognized there was a problem and stopped using the product.

Shaved? What?

Some questions: