I would buy a private island that sahit ain’t frivolous tho it’s a necessity because these muggles in my life is wrecking my goddamned nerves.

Private island with a party castle.

For real, I signed in just so I could star this!

Is it allowed to be intentionally stupid?

Anything that began “If I was single, I would....”

Mr. Dr. Yoga Nerd MD got really drunk with his friends in like the first month we were dating and texted me something like “I wanna fuck you in high heel black boots”

I like to send awkward sexts because I’m horrible at dirty talk.

Cubist boobs, though. That’s fetish territory, totally inappropriate and understandable.

Come to Utah and you will meet them! Do you know how many people in my middle school thought Michelangelo’s David was pornography?

If they’re blurring out all the boobs, why can I still see all the hosts’ faces?

I’m trying to imagine the type of person who would get upset at the sight of boobs in a painting.

Wait, she thought by more American you’d be willing to work for free? Has she met us?

“Abortion is not just a simple medical procedure,” it read. “For many women, it is a life-changing event with significant physical, emotional and spiritual consequences. Most women who struggle with past abortions say that they wish they had been told all of the facts about abortion.”

At the end of my pregnancy, I kept having my doctor reassure me that the craziest things were “perfectly normal.” “Doc, I look like I’m walking on two enormous marshmallows instead of feet, I’m hungry all the time but can’t eat without severe heartburn, and I get winded walking more than ten feet. Also, I'm speaking…

This information always makes me so fucking infuriated. You know what’s medically dangerous? PREGNANCY. With an abortion, you get some anesthesia and zip bop bippity pop, it’s done. With my C-section, they gutted me open, put my uterus and intestine on my belly, and then sewed it all back into place. I couldn’t walk…

The fact that this is legal is mind blowing. I’m a medical professional and if I lied like this to my patients, my license would probably (hopefully!) be revoked. How is their no state agency oversight?

wait does all sexting look this bad when youre not in the moment

So many emoticons — BARF.

“So what’s the Diehl with sexting interns?”

“ There has never been a time when an elected official is praised for his “family values” that it does not come back to bite him in the worst way possible. Remember this, family values Republicans. Learn it well. For once. “