Saute the rest of your celery with the rest of your unused carrots (chopped, of course, with an onion) in like half a cup of olive oil (yes, use that much oil) then add some white rice and twice as much water. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer until the rice is cooked. Squeeze the juice of a lemon over…

A minor thing, but: many mental health professionals are advocating moving away from “commit suicide” and instead using the term “died by suicide”. “Commit(ing) suicide” is a throwback to when it was criminalized, like someone would commit murder or commit assault, whereas “died by suicide” recognizes that the victim…

Very good friend of mine had a breakdown of some variety, combined it with drugs and alcohol, and spent our freshmen year of college trying to kill himself. He was at a school five hours from me, and our other friend was seven hours the other way. We spoke to him every morning, every afternoon, every evening, and we’d…

I know this is weird, but I don’t think his mom is ruining him either by going with it, tbh. My brother is an adult, but mentally a lot younger. He told me he doesn’t like racist or sexist people but “Donald Trump sure does make a lot of funny faces and I like those.” Explaining to him exactly why I was so scared of a…

Jesus. As someone who sustained a traumatic brain injury from a car wreck, and who will never be the same, I actually feel for both parties. This is hugely traumatic. And I think that it might actually be worse to have caused one. If anyone has any empathy at all, the notion that trying to get through an intersection…

Oh God do not engage this wad of used bloody tissues. He is worthless.

Mike Pence’s cat died and it got me thinking about how Trump has apparently bucked the tradition of the President and the first family having a pet (unless Steve “The Rancor” Bannon counts) and the thought “even Caligula had a horse he loved,” ran through my head.

This is like us all watching Tiberius stalk past, and we mutter about the treason trials and how he wastes money... and then we see Little Boots scurrying to keep up with the procession and we’re all “Oh that poor kid, don’t worry - when his dad Germanicus - the ideal Roman - becomes Emperor, everything will turn out…

Is it a rule that all racist assholes also have to be virtually illiterate? C’mon lady, “cow down”? Were you reaching for “kowtow”, maybe? Or “bow down”, perhaps? It’s not like you just mispronounced something in the heat of conversation - your racist fucking fingers deliberately typed out those letters. Maybe take a…

“Let us milk this dear little cow into this china dish! Fetch my churning slippers!”

Years ago, my Fox News-watching dad came over for a visit and gave my son Bill O’Reilly’s book for teenagers. My son said “Thanks Grandpa” and after my folks went home, my kid tossed the book in the garbage. He was 14.

If they paid witnesses, they could make a killing!

Story time!

“The night’s final award for Best Picture was initially announced by Warren Beatty as belonging to La La Land,...”

oh, but we didnt demoralize him, sean - he came to us, quite honestly, without any morals at all.

People will respect you - and even vote for you - when they disagree with you if you have the courage of your convictions.

Everyone who voted for Trump should get down on their knees and beg and plead for more illegal immigrants to come here. You know why?

In our town, Mexicans staff most of the restaurant kitchens, and construction companies, and cleaning companies, and landscaping companies, etc. No one complains when they pay less for any of these services. Yet this is a HIGHLY conservative, military/retirement community (which skews old and white), so there’s tons…

Ugh. This is why in 5th grade, I just have them make cards...and suggest they make one for their mother, grandmother, or any other special woman in their life. Sometimes I feel like an asshole when I don’t do some big mother’s day to do, but thanks for reaffirming my beliefs. I love my mother, but I have a rather…

Not every charity can do everything. This one may seem superficial, but as many commenters below have echoed, it can actually really help in making people feel like they matter.