I suppose now every kid who has ever gotten a participation award for something is going to have to give it up because everything is being construed as unsavory these days.

Yeah, great... until the EPA complains about all the HAZMAT fluids leaking all over the place.

You smack yourself in the forehead repeatedly for not realizing that you’ve been giving the government an interest-free loan all year and then go to HR to have your withholding reduced.

I call fake news. This is really in California.

Don’t even try to use these cards in Virginia especially if you have a radar detector. They will bust your ass and give you major lecture on the side of the highway.

EVERYONE who tries to weasel out of checking their severely oversized excuse for a carry-on is responsible for slowing down air travel. Yes, yes, the airlines monetizing everything doesn’t help but seriously, there is a pretty good chance you won’t get your huge rolling bag in the overhead bin thus delaying the flight…

Yeah, ok, how about an article on how to deal with people who see racism everywhere and in everything?

I had to put down my dog of 16 1/2 years last fall. Now I’m discovering what a bunch of soup Nazis rescue outfits can be. Some of them make you sign these crazy documents that say basically that the animal doesn’t belong to you. Some insist that they can come to your house any time and repossess the animal for any…

Oh, you mean like Gizmodo et al reminding me to be sure that I’ve white-listed?

This is a crock.
Notice how every ad on TV for some sort of fraud protection or home security system uses white males playing the part of the criminals. But, advertisers wouldn’t dare use an actor that wasn’t white and male lest they be labeled as racist.

This is why social networking is dumb.

This one shed a lot of light on some of my, let’s be generous here, mildly toxic friends. One female friend of mine said the following: “You’re an above-average looking guy.” Really? You just HAD to throw in the word “average”. Are you trying to boost my confidence or ensure that my confidence level stays right where…

Get a Butter Bell.
Fun fact: REALLY old refrigerators used to have a special butter compartment with its own temperature control so you could get the butter to a cool yet spreadable consistency.

Ugh. Parenting is hard enough without having to put up with “The Village” butting in every other day.

So, basically, don’t be so provincial. Yes, that means you, city-dweller.

Umm... “sticky hand toys”?

The #Facepalm is strong with this one.

So, a few things:
1) Using keys works IF you know what you’re doing. You don’t punch with them. You need to scrape the face.
2) The clothing thing is true. Just read commentary about Levi’s 505 jeans. Instead of coming up with a new number for rail-thin, vegan, hipster jeans (how friggin’ hard is that Levi’s?!?), Levi’s…

Here’s what I’ve learned over the years: the people who have really been there and done that, so to speak, don’t talk about it. The people who talk about it are most often full of sh*t.

Silly, soulless millenial. Wait until a parent passes away. You’ll give ANYTHING for one more Christmas with them.