“Look, I’m a dog. trained well. I have no sense of humor, ability to speak human words. Dude threatened women? I’m a dog.”

Yikes

You all do know that his own Secretary of State said Trump doesn’t have America’s best interest in mind? Right?

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. It will make it easier for me to target, disenfranchise and abuse them.”

I’ve literally had that convo with my with. I just used skittles, birth control and... what’s the last one....? oh shit, consent.

No, the truth is he didn't care. Sandusky was an asset and a friend. He helped Paterno win and thus Paterno was willing to overlook children being raped.

“Mr. Paterno”

I love “MAGA” because TI is right - which part of American history do we want to recreate today? Because most of American history SUCKED for most of the population.

Tennessee paid 950k for a Georgia State loss. Maybe Georgia Tech got a deal?

As long as Pete Davidson dies in the movie, I will be fine with everything else.

Is there anyone in Cleveland that doesn’t grow a beard to hide their shame?

Wait, did he write all that on a group text?

I don't believe in much, but I will sacrifice my body and soul to protect the sanctity of Margarita Mondays.

I remember when this guy was good. Like, he was consider a future hall of famer even after all his injuries and shit. What happened?

That’s why you need to practice the same self-defense strategies I utilize to great success: surround yourself with friends that can’t lift a barbell, let alone throw one.

“Been there. Done that.”

Does the NRA actually have 5 million members? I was under the impression that most of their membership is dwindling and they are being propped up by massive donations by gun manufacturers.

“to prevent or stop people from committing acts that are anti-social or negatively impacting on the orderly operation of society as a whole.”

Sony has had such a massively long list of big budget failures that there were rumors they would axe its movie department.

Disney made the biggest movie in Sony history?