But he just the other day said he doesn't want to direct superhero movies.

I'm still holding out for 'The Flash' movie gig.

My local Radio Shack is now a Smoothie King.

I faced a similar backlash when I tried to explain to Buzz Aldrin what it's really like to walk on the moon.

It takes a minimum of nine seasons to meet a mother.

I thought that was John Edwards' claim to fame before he became known as the dude who cheated on his dying wife.

Man, when I gave my daughter superhero figures, she just had them pretend to go to the zoo (and nobody wanted to buddy up with 'The Robin')

He has a lot of bodyguards he bought with all the money from his 'Jump to Conclusions' mat.

Not enough of them.

I'm not into the whole brevity thing.

I believe the word you are looking for is 'justified'

That should say 'living' 25 hours a day, of course.

Takes slightly longer to get all the way out to Texas, but at least I have something to look forward to.

Check your lease man, you're living in Fuck City!

They didn't say no one had died in 35 years. They said there hadn't been a critical failure in 30 years.

Most importantly, do their spines light up during sex?

Because if he turns her all the way down to full moron, the behavior people see that she's a bleeding moron all of a sudden and check it out while also turning her back up to her supposed-to-be level.

I heard they've known the last four words of the series since the very beginning.

It's been so long, I forgot what all I voted for (but I know I didn't vote for 'This is Us' because I haven't watched any of it).

And this time, it's personal.