Are you kidding? I’d love magic and performer friends!

As a Vegas resident with friends in the magic and performer community (yes, I know that is as sad as it sounds), this has been one of the worst kept secrets ever here. Like Cosby and Weinstein in Hollywood levels of ‘everybody knows’.

Elite.

More like David Cop-a-feel, am I right?

For his next trick, he’ll make these allegations disappear on live tv!

I doubt anyone has literally kissed an ashtray. Smokers don’t even have ashes on their lips usually, so it’s just a terrible simile.

This is the correct take

Cruise seem like he would close his eyes and think of himself when kissing someone. 

I’m pretty sick of this weird piece of shit, can he just go away now?

“This one comes from Emily Blunt, who recently lived up to her last name on The Howard Stern Show.”

Well, she did hilariously say on Conan that her vagina looked like a hastily packed suitcase.

And/or how he’s a giant fraud who’s been pretending to be a billionaire to get morons to trust him.

My money’s on Del Toro but I’d put even money on Segel. I mean I don’t care, but I will gamble on a lot of things.

I’m a little over my skies here as I too don’t really follow football but Brady worked for the Patriots organization for... decades? A long ass time. And in that time Brady and Kraft made each other a lot of money. Crazy as it sounds, Brady probably considers Kraft a friend, and Kraft probably appeared there as a…

They probably don’t like reminding people that

Nobody wanted to take a shot at Brady for being a big ol’ Nazi? Really? Cast of cowards, sounds like.

I never got the idea of roasts. It’s one of those quaint American traditions that just sound really...eh, like Saturday Night Live or medical debt.

This sounds profoundly unpleasant.

Yeah, like...I guess this was for the legions of Tom Brady haters who wanted to see him be paid to be ribbed by celebrities?

fucking clickbait headline implying a voice actor had died