No, that was my low-effort shit-take. here’s the high-effort one. The one that an editor at a multimillion-dollar website should have done before they published this.

My problem is that he says the game is great, but never tells me why. And yeah, I DID read the whole review. It breaks down like this:
1. Intro paragraph…

I was reading all the nitpicking and moaning at the beginning of the review waiting for “...but none of that matters, because actually playing this dual-stick shooter is a REVELATION” but instead it’s “...but none of that matters, because if you stand on this balcony it’s VERY PRETTY.”

Dafuq? I obviously haven’t played…

TL;DR - The game doesn’t play great, the loot doesn’t do anything, the leveling mechanics don’t operate intuitively, the map sucks, upgrading weapons is arbitrarily difficult, and all of this may just actually blow up your Xbox for all we know. BUT if you have a sufficiently-sized hard-on for cyberpunk minutiae, it’s…

If it does turn out to be CG, if it looks as good as goku does in this trailer, I think I’ll be ok with it.

Back in the Halo 3/ODST days, my friends and I landed on a custom game mode called “double randoms” that persists to this day amongst the group. It’s very simple: you spawn with two random weapons, there are no weapons to pick up on the map, GO. Later on when armor abilites became a thing, we standardized them to…

I’m in southern LA too, and my mother (who in all other aspects is a perfectly rational, reasonable person) just couldn’t bring herself to get vaccinate duntil a few weeks ago because she wanted to “do it on her own schedule”. And now she doesn’t think anyone should let their kids get it. I just don’t understand.

That’s…

I love the Spader era of the office, especially now when I'm usually binging the whole show in one go. When doing it marathon-style, I find that Michael leaves at precisely the right time when I'm getting a little bored of the show, and I just have to make it through the Will Ferrell episodes to get to Idris Elba and…

Can someone explain to me how a guy who was in a boy-band named “Smap” (lol just say it out loud a few times) that no longer exists, with no social media presence of his own, and 0 name recognition outside of Japan... ‘s TALENT AGENTS are wielding enough influence to torpedo an entire lucrative international game…

Right?

I was born in 1990, and you bet your bottom dollar I remember “I Swear”, both the All-4-One version AND the Country version by whatshisface (I grew up in the south and I’m extremely white, ok?).

They're just slaves to Big Cardboard. They are the root of all ills.

Comment talking about how this site has been garbage ever since [insert former Gawker-era writer’s name here] left.

2019's dark water was back in 2019, you say?

Donald Faison sure didn’t sound like he expected it to be reworked when he talked about it on his podcast with Zach Braff last week.

I’m not sure from your comment if you’re implying whether PPG or Umbrella Academy arent’ based on existing IP, but either way you’re wrong.

If they’re just going to put Andrew Garfield in makeup to look like Ty Burrell, just cast Ty Burrell.

Ain’t nothing wrong with good music and good butt. I approve.

I messed with the demo, and it felt like whoever made it had not even so much as played a video game before, much less directed several games I’d heard of over the past 20 years.

Seems like it, but if that’s something they haven’t done for any other events I don’t necessarily blame whoever is in charge of this for not starting now.

If they’ve been shooting since DECEMBER, I think expecting a six-month span with 0 positive tests is a fantasy not even scientologists can explain.