Seriously, I came back here to read your comment, and laughed out loud AGAIN at this gif. I totally know how she feels!

But seriously, how do you even get to the point of meeting up with someone when their initial message is “Wan 2 have my babby?”

I was on Tinder for about 3 minutes. I got 6 date rape messages, 4 people wanting me to give birth to their baby, and 15 messages that said “DTF????”. How do you people do this? I absolutely created and then deleted my account within the first 5 minutes.

This is why we need “The Real Housewives of Connecticut” like...yesterday.

Dallas? How has that not been a thing before? I don’t watch any of the RH shows but if ever there was a city that cries out “come film my gaudy, new money idiots,” it’s Dallas.

Word. I’ve heard so many stories about people faking cancer that, following my own recent diagnosis with breast cancer, I had a few paranoid moments where I wondered if people would wonder if it was fake. I felt relief when, in order to start using my short term disability benefits at work, the company that…

She lied as much as he did, and was not just willing but eager to make up shit on his behalf. At best she was an enabler, but more likely a co-conspirator.

My friend and I marathoned Korra recently and kept yelling “FACES!” whenever somebody made one of those really expressive faces.

Not tonight, Satan!

Right! Like, I’m not saying he should leave his pregnant girlfriend for me but, he should leave his pregnant girlfriend for me.

My little baby bump is due to wine

khaklsjhgdjhafgghsdl

I think it’s also about leaving baby-mama alone at the time when she most needs the help. And you (figurative you, I’m not assuming that you specifically have done this) can say you’re still going to help, be there, etc. but the feelings run so high that it gets in the way of that, and she’s extra alone at that time.…

There’s this idea that leaving the baby-mom is leaving the kids.

of course

“As we get closer to the caucuses and primaries, some candidates are going to get desperate.”

My Uber driver the other night, noticing that i was going home from the bars by myself, tried to convince me to go buy a book online that would teach me how to get any women to sleep with me.

I gave him and his stupid fucking newsboy cap 1 star.

I understand this, but the truth is that someone having older parents is not a guarantee they’ll be lost earlier. People die all the time—my father died in his early fifties (and I was nineteen). It can happen earlier—and it will happen inevitably no matter how you slice it. It’s not great, but it’s reality.

This is why my husband got a vasectomy, we ain’t taking any chances.

see this kind of story is why I lose my mind if my period’s two weeks late even though I haven’t seen a dick in a year