My requirements/deal breakers changed as I aged. In my teens, I just wanted a good kisser who had a car, could manage to obtain Boone’s Farm, and was at least a top placer in local surfing competitions. In my 20s, I wanted a guy with a decent job, who worked out and understood my workout schedule, who had a big dick…

Nothing. Zero things have happened to you. Trump activists were born and raised in an anti-empathy-producing-event bubble.

Trump protesters chanting “USA” before the Trump supporters think of it—beautiful. Just....mmmmmuah. Beautiful.

Dear god, what must you have gone through in life to become a pro-Trump activist.

I would have thought Colonel Sanders would be a breast man.

Well shit, had I known you could use stories about people being nice...

Nice that these are for the most part positive stories of celebrities who haven’t let their fame turn them into entitled assholes. The Kevin Smith one in particular was awesome. (and poor Salman Rushdie! I both laughed and felt bad for laughing.)

You don’t fuck with Uncle Kentucky. (or let him near your mother apparently)

Finally, I can come out of the closet. I like to eat human flesh. But thank you for accepting me openly and lovingly. I wouldn’t be here, feasting on babies, if it weren’t for the gays.

the fit of that suit for one

You guys deserve this.

I’m just gonna leave this here.

Liv has gone from being the leader of the Gladiators to being Lady MacBeth.

This show acts like real humans don’t exist.

How much longer until we can just make this show Jake’s show. Olivia hasn’t done anything so far this season.

I oscillate between loving and hating Mellie. Mainly I can’t handle her when she acts naive; lady, you helped rig an election, get over yourself.

On a second date about ten years ago, I said to the guy sitting across from me, “So, I like you, you’re totally awesome. But I’m not looking just for a fun time, I’m looking for a long term relationship. I mean, I’m dating other people and I’m not saying we have to be serious, but generally speaking I’m ready to…

My imaginary boyfriend is Nathan Fillion. He is perfect in all sorts of ways.

I’d say that. Because, yes, I’d like a response, but if the guy doesn’t like me and has to come up with an awkward turn down that makes us both embarrassed and anxious then I’d rather we both pretend I never said anything to begin with.