“Do you like pancakes, but not the subsequent bloated feeling? Well, here’s a tasty alternative: Punch yourself in the face several times over a cold coffee with bubbles in it, whilst eating foraged dirt cereal.”

Thanks Ilia.

He’s a national treasure.

Humorous and current.

At work at 3:58pm on a Friday and it’s a beaute outside. Should I just get the heck outta here?

After a game of shinny I could poach an egg in my gitch.

What if you’re an astronaut and your #1 has space madness?

Here’s Leonidas’ dick and balls.

Liam should be in prison.

Truth. We need to make some room for more:

Amare Stoudemire, on the other hand, has his briss scheduled for halftime of Hapoel Jerusalem’s opener.

How would you have murdered Harambe?

TFW you get too turnt at Easter dinner.

If I were he, my entire family would disown me for telling this story every 45 minutes.

I disagree.

But did you hear about how intense and method Jared Leto was on the set? Not sure anyone’s ever mentioned that.

Which of you have no plans to read Magary’s new novel?

Sounds like Mr. Elliot just hit his first performance bonus!

Owner statues are so tone deaf it’s incredible. They’re basically made to impress and suck the farts of a handful of people from a powerful family.