I’m finding it very ironic to still be in the greys at Gizmodo, despite being an old white guy working at (NASA FFRDC redacted), but getting >130 stars for my snark about Taylor Swift. Life is good, I guess.

I always thought the Calvin Harris thing was the real deal. Same with Jake Gyllenhaal... and we all have a John Mayer or two in our backgrounds. But you have to admit this level of PDA is unusual.

I just can’t get over how many of his children are going to speak. If your immediate family is the majority of your campaign apparatus, you’ve got a problem, man.

Heart of Darkness: needs more white ladies 2/10 would not read again

In tribute to Ms. Linton, I am also announcing my new memoir, recounting the time I sailed up the Congo River to search for a mysterious ivory trader named Kurtz.

Zambillion Little Pieces.

My Gus cat is a feminist. I can tell by the adoring way he looks at me. Just heart eyes all the time.

I’m an atheist, and all I have had to say about this matter is, “Thank God Scalia is dead.”

They are but collateral damage in the vile Yankee War Against Christendom and Christmas.

Eat, Prey, Kill

You can’t tell me adding “revenge” as a forth section after “eat, pray, love” wouldn't be compelling.

I do! And it worked!

New Jerseyans ain’t stupid.

Serious answer: he is a republican who got elected governor twice in a blue state. He has actually been elected to office, unlike his new friend. He’s seen as a pragmatic law & order type who doesn’t lean hard on social issues. He has actual executive experience governing a large state, experience of the kind that…

They’d be a more convincing couple than Hiddleswift.

America’s Foredads: the original Brexit.

She has her own, superior show.

I just watched 'The Night Manager' and knowing about their relationship ruined every scene where he is mostly naked in it for me. I am unreasonably affronted, but I don't care.

I am so tired. Can we just not?