I assumed from the jump that the Santa was responsible for the death. If that kid died in his arms, it must have been something he said.

My wife read me this story the other day and I was like “Oh shit, Santa killed him?”

Please add “Dear Mr. Jesus” to that. How a song about child abuse became a Christmas carol, I’ll never know.

Meanwhile, Cutting Crew has asked for royalties based on any financial windfall hoax Santa may have accrued.

As a child of a family practically named dysfunction I, unfortunately, had a bad feeling about Brangelina’s failure from the start.

If had one, it would end up being a fey walrus blanket.

Happy Holidays, Jezzies!

Did we already discuss Jennifer Lawrence’s sacred rock jokes? I haven’t seen anything and I just wanted to say, this is why I don’t f*ck with white feminists. Can everyone please stop pretending that this woman is cute and a great feminist? She’s a disrespectful, racist shit, I don’t care how beautiful nd rich she is. …

This afternoon I took my biracial preschooler to the feminist book store for drag queens story time and bought her a copy of A is for Activist.

I think your first sentence meant to read that Putin thinks he can manipulate Trump.

Thank you, kindly. I feel that we are actually going to have a better relationship after the divorce than prior to it (which doesn’t exactly make me feel better, but I’ll take what silver linings I can). I’ll take your advice to heart.

I’m currently emailing fake documents to Trump suggesting Pence is in a conspiracy with his daughter to have him assassinated by a group of gay Mexican immigrants who support climate change.

hobby =/= employment, you pandering skin suit

“She adds, “He’s a very transparent guy. Everyone can see what he’s doing...”

Ugh, I for sure thought Bob Dole died years ago. now I really wish I had been right!

This is some Weekend at Bernie’s corrupt diplomacy bullshit.

To me the most shocking part of this whole story is that Bob Dole is still alive.

I will vote for anyone in 2020 who can unseat Cheeto Mussolini. I do not care how old. I do not care what color skin. I do not care if they have been in the Senate for eleventy billion years. I do not care if they have been in the Senate for one year.

I’m down, and if he and Colin Powell want to spend the interim 4 years doing a reality show where they race cars all across the USA, meeting constituents and solving the occasional crime, I’m down with that, too.