This is the finished one.

what happened with the house?

Hi everybody! I’m drinking a vodka lemonade with watermelon pieces and it’s delicious. This new Pixel, when I typed “I’m drinking a” it filled in “lot”. I heart my new phone

You moved away from home for a job. It was extremely stressful but it sounds like you did it for the benefit of your family. You arrive home during the most motherfucking magical and family oriented time of year only to find out he had an affair. With a 20 year old employee. And it’s not because he enjoys extorting a…

So after a shit-ton of hemming and hawing and legal maneuvering, my abusive ex has agreed to consent to terminating his rights to my daughter so that my wonderful husband can adopt her. He’s going to be flying down here on Thursday (on my dime, ugh) in order to sign the paperwork. I’m also letting him see the kiddo…

Have a star for the Dead Milkmen reference.

To be perfectly honest, a billionaire huckster arriviste who got rich through strategic bankruptcy and retaliatory lawsuits conning his way into the Presidency on a campaign of racism, homophobia, fascism, and misogyny, only for it to become immediately apparent that he has no idea how to do anything and is…

Or maybe it’s time to make it. Create a modest meth empire, reel in a few million dollars in fuck you money, and go live on a pleasure barge somewhere in the South Pacific while these assholes annihilate themselves.

Dear Every Single Idiot Who Voted For This Traitorous (Yeah I Said It) Fuckwit:

More Garrison Keillor...

“I can’t understand it.”

“If Trump sells out, it’s not our fault” ??? Yes it is, you assholes! That’s why we vote aT ALL! ARGH I CAN’T WITH THESE PEOPLE

You’d think he’d be used to audits by now...

Millions of illegals voted in the states Trump lost. The elections in the states that Trump won were free and fair. You can tell, because in the states where Trump lost, Trump lost. Conversely, in the states where he won, he won. QED.

I love the Satanists. They are the ultimate trolls who get shit done. Between getting the after school Satan club at an elementary school just to prove a point or the goat temple outside a city council building next to the 10 commandments.

That feeling when a ressurected Jesus Christ would get along better with Satanists than a good 95 percent of his own flock.

Hello Kinja this is a formal request to change the stars to pentagrams on this site. Thank you for your consideration.

The Satanic Temple has a large number of atheists who use their “church” as a very effective means to challenge religious encroachment. Atheists have no legally defensible rights (believing in God is protected, not believing is not protected) so they organize under a faith and can fight this crap.

Being a member of the Satanic Temple sounds fun as hell lately. Giant Beelzebub statues, pissing off Missouri Republicans, getting that Ten Commandments statue removed, and the name rather befits the future we’re looking at.