rasium, raisin, rancid, they’re all the same thing to these mouthbreathers.

That bathing suit is a crime in itself. 

Maybe if the restaurant gives him double serving of ice cream, he’ll calm down. 

I can and do eat my steaks medium rare but the sight of any pink in a burger leaves me nauseous. It’s probably because I grew up with black hockey pucks served by a parent who couldn’t cook. When I was an adult I went to a steakhouse and had a properly cooked steak. It was like the heavens opened. 

This Becky is so white she could be mistaken for a white sheet with eyeholes cut in it....oh

Probably still rubbing one out to the image while laying next to his “I want to speak to the manager.” wife, Karen.

“There’s no crying in detention!”

Re-do it with Yakkity Sax, the Benny Hill theme.

My BF won’t go to a restaurant if it’s less than an hour before closing. He hates feeling rushed and he knows that the staff just want to go home. The only time I stayed past close was because my mother was a very slow eater. When we realized that they were waiting on us, we tipped double and dragged her out.

I never got this, customers staying in the restaurant til well past closing. I worked at a diner and we told people they had to leave because we were closed. No sitting around to chat because they had no other place to go. The vacuum came out at exactly one minute past close because we all wanted to GTFO as fast as…

The same kind of person who sweeps a table of freshly folded linen/silverware on the floor and asks why you can’t take a joke.

Only these people often aren’t kids. They are full grown assholes who see their colour as a special badge giving them carte blanche to run roughshod over anyone in their way. The polite ones sniff and bleat “Good for you!” in the most patronizing tone possible. The worst ones look straight in your face and call you…

What I don’t understand is the number of these fucking racist morons who see the phone, know that they’re being recorded and keep going. Always followed by the familiar trope. “That’s not who I am.” Fuck that noise, that is exactly who you are. Now we have a permanent record of your hate filled rant so STFU.

I’m going to Hell because my first thought was...Pat. Before I read the article.

My family is boycotting the US while the Orange Wonder is in power. My sibling said, it’s just not worth it. People see your colour and next thing we’re calling for bail money. Sorry, but the US does not feel safe even for everyday interactions.

He’s smart, roll over first, get misdemeanor charges, get probation while your fellow frat mates look like douches for prolonging the agony of the inevitable. Misdemeanor alcohol charges are easy to explain, manslaughter not so much when you apply at Smug Company run by your fellow frat bros.

She has officially denied the report, it must be true.

My parents were Catholic, 9 kids. All of the kids never had more than 2. We learned our lesson.

I thought you were going to say it was your husband licking his butt on the pillow. Would not surprise me, I lived with men.

One friend had three teenage boys. If he had to leave the table for any reason he took his plate with him. They ate everything in sight. When the first one went away to school his grocery bill dropped by $100 a week.