“It’s Tuesday. The contract clearly states physical contact is permitted only on Fridays between 9PM and 915PM. No exceptions.”

So, my Nissan Versa can’t do it?

Smells like Nair

I loved that perfume. I also used to bathe myself in Obsession and wear it to work. Back in the old days when you could get away with perfume coming off you like stink lines in a comic. Also smoking was allowed at work, people sat their desks and chained smoked. At least once a month a wastepaper basket caught on…

I loved that perfume. I also used to bathe myself in Obsession and wear it to work. Back in the old days when you could get away with perfume coming off you like stink lines in a comic. Also smoking was allowed at work, people sat their desks and chained smoked. At least once a month a wastepaper basket caught on…

My only takeaway from this is that at least they weren’t arrested, wrestled to the ground, shot or tazered. So...good?

I’d bring my famous potato salad. Red potatoes, red onions, mayo, a little bit of mustard powder and salt. That is all.

The Heir, The Spare and The I’m Done.

She’s in for a shock at the reading of the will. She’d do better with a box of Cracker Jacks.

Barbara Bush, still giving Donald the finger from Beyond. Nice.

She looks happy because a decent man is treating her with respect instead of disdain. It doesn’t take much to make you smile when you can get away from a steaming pile of whatever for a few hours. Dollars to donuts he’ll demand to know what exactly Obama said to her.

Yes, OMG, my BF grew up in a one horse town and he still leaves his keys in the ignition.

I was out for an early morning walk on a trail and while crossing a bridge I glanced down and saw the beginnings of a police investigation into a suicide. It was a young girl in her early 20s, she had just been pulled from the water. It was the saddest thing I’d ever seen. I wish I had never seen it.

It does but was still very interesting. Now I just have to find a sea port to use my knowledge.

One Saturday a foursome was on the 9th hole when a funeral procession happened to pass by. One of the men stopped his shot. He stood at attention and placed his hand over his heart until the hearse was out of sight. Impressed, his buddy said, “I had no idea you had so much respect for the recently deceased.”

My cat will start with my feet judging from the nibbling she does now.

My landlord lives in the house with his tenants and one test is how his dogs react to potential tenants. I was accepted because I was OMG! puppies! I want them! He did get scammed once or twice usually when he rented against his better judgement. The worst person was a vegan who demanded that the house be vegan only.…

No, putting 10 $1 bills on the table and telling the server he’s taking one away for every mistake makes him feel like a Big Macho Man.

Years ago I read a Pyschology Today article about a server who never wrote down even the most complicated orders. He taught the system to other servers, I think the premise was making an association with the order to the guest. Woman is wearing white shirt, she ordered the cream sauce etc.

I’ve thrown away my Egg McMuffin is there is even the slightest bit of uncooked yolk. That shit is nasty.